I hate Surprizes !!

Here I was, standing in front of my class-teacher, I staring at the mosaic tile of the floor...rubbing my shoe against it. And my teacher staring down at me.After moments of torturous silence, the inevitable rain started pouring,"I am really upset with you. You are a bright student, why would you do something like that ?" And look up, when I am talking to you !!" I was made to feel like a serial killer, who had appeared in court to plead guilty.

It was Diwali season, and as a tradition somebody had to plant a cracker-bomb in the boys-toilet. And this time, I had to do the honors. Or rather I took it up on me to prove a point to my stupid, idiot, and "self acclaimed cool" friends. So, on the destined day, with a pounding heart and shaking hands, I planted the bomb after lunch, with a lit scented stick to act as timer and left the scene. But, unfortunately the fragrance of the stick was too good to get unnoticed and the sweeper of the school, who usually played the "sniffer dog", foiled the plan. And still dont know, who traited me and gave my name to teacher or I swear to God, I would have demonstrated my karate skills to him without hesitation.

And now it was fire-fighting time. I looked up, gathering all the courage left in me, and all the innocence almost ready to pour out of watery eyes."Ma'am I did not do it, I am being dragged  into this matter unnecessarily!". It worked but not much as I was not  used to such kind of trials. She lowered her tone,"Now the last thing you would want to do is lie to me! Accept you did it with dignity and I may reduce your punishment. Or tell me the name of the guy, who did this". Woah, I was offered a deal, either to get my head shaved or stab one of my stupid, idiot and "self acclaimed cool" friends. I glanced at them, but to my surprize, their faces seemed to be as innocent as I had not seen in my lifetime! Their eyes, made me feel bad about the very idea of betraying them and giving their name as mastermind.

I was feeling the cold sweat running down my back and on palms. I had no choice but to plead guilty, for the crime which never happened ! So, with a heavy heart and embarrassed voice I nodded my head and said," Sorry Ma'am, I should not have done this. I apologize for the mistake I have committed. Please forgive me."

But has anybody seen roadways-bus-drivers giving way to dogs ? None. But the miracle happened. To my surprize, she calmed down and touched my shoulder and said," Since you have accepted your mistake and considering your good records, I have no doubt that you would not commit such a heinous thing again. But.....". The but did put breaks on my increasing happiness. And a question mark floated in my eyes, whats this but for?" She continued," But you ll have to monitor that until Diwali vacation starts, nobody from this class does anything like this again." her words dropped like Hiroshima bomb on my ears. I wanted to shout, punish me but not like this. But instead, I thanked the teacher for her kind nature and came back to my seat.

The damage was done. I turned my head towards my friends again and saw those innocent faces turning into demon faces again. And by courtesy of my stupid, idiot and "self acclaimed cool" friends, I had to monitor what janitor did, play "sniffer dog" !!

An Affair after Despair-Day#2

Day 2 :

Sun had already taken a bed-tea and was playing hide and seek in the sky, when Sameer's alarm rang,"Jane ye ladka kya karega, kapoot hai ye kapoot, uth nalayak !!" And Sameer woke up, still grumpy and unhappy over last day's embarrasement. But, it was still Tuesday, so he got up feeling his feet as 50 kg each, and hardly managed to drag himself to washroom. It was easy today, he dressed up for office, got down the staircase anticipating one more encounter to make up for yesterday but, there was no wind, no violins, just an old Maruti emitting too much carbon-monoxide, reminding him of yesterday's embaraasement !!

Sameer took an auto to his office as usual and was thinking all ifs and buts all the way. As he reached the compound, he saw a girl getting off a cab.Oh God, thats her !! Sameer got excited and would ve jumped out off his auto, if auto-wala hadnt given a jerk to auto,smelling Sameer's intentions.And when he stopped the auto, he turned angrily towards Sameer with his finger ready to point and shoot, but to his dissappointment, he found nobody inside. Sameer had dissappeared like a ghost vanishes in thin air!Shocked, he turned his head to find Sameer, and found him standing next to a pretty girl. Tanya was struggling to find change in her purse just as a novice magician tries to find a rabbit in his hat to complete the trick ! "May I help you?", Tanya raised her head to see Sameer
standing beside her smiling.Sameer asked again,"Let me help you." Tanya had no choice but to agree as she was getting late for office.She nodded her head in yes and Sameer came in between her and Cab driver like a hero jumps between his gf and hungry tiger in jungle."I dont know, why cab drivers dont keep change? Just to embarrase common people? You guys should be debarred from driving cabs without carrying change!" The cab driver was listening to Sameer like a sincere student in class listens to his teacher.Sameer was still continuing,"I feel all cabs should ve a swiping m/c installed so that you guys dont trouble people",all this while he was glancing to make sure Tanya is watching him talk like an
intellectual in an international convention does on Global Warming! Also, he was searching for his purse, which was not to be found at its usual hide-outs.He had already frisked his pants front pockets, the back pockets. The last option, the shirt pocket also reported it missing!The cab driver swung out of the cab, and examined Sameer from top to bottom,like an ATS personnel examines a suspect.Now it was his turn,"Listen Madam, I know you dont ve change. No problems,I know you work here,I would take it tomorrow.  But I ve one advice, dont ever trust such guys(and gave Sameer a nasty look), huh" !! Sameer could see his WTC of love, falling and cab driver looked like a Lashkar terrorist to him, who had just crashed his cab instead of plane to cause demise of his budding relationship! 

Sameer turned to explain to Tanya that he must have forgotten purse at home, but found his auto-wala in between. Sameer looked him and then looked Tanya. Tanya felt as if a hungry Somalian child was staring at her while she was eating a Mc Donald's burger!She immediately took out a 500 rupee note and handed over to Sameer and started walking.

"Tanya, please wait a min, let me explain...",Sameer came running, panting. 
Tanya stopped,"now what? I ve had enough for the day".
"I know, I am so sorry...I know, you feel that I always behave weird. But its just that,when I get nervous, I behave like this".Sameer looked serious."I wont trouble you more, just give me your phone # so that I can contact you to return your favor,your money." Tanya calmed down, she now felt pity for him.She wanted to talk but it was already late."9975432341 and dont call me after 9pm",she said and rushed to her office.

Last time, Sameer had been so happy was when his school time gf, who dominated him so much had left her to hook up with his arch rival,Rohan. Sameer started dancing in slow motion,"Pehla nasha..pehla khumaar.....". He threw his jacket in air.."naya pyaar hai...naya intezaa.." bAAAAAAAm..Sameer found himself on ground staring at sky and people staring at him, the biker and the bike. Actually, the jacket he threw in air, did not get proper landing instructions from ATC and it landed on a biker coming from behind, who in turn crashed directly into the parking lot of Sameer. Fortunately, the impact was not major as Sameer was still smiling while people carried him for first-aid.

An Affair after Despair-Day#1

Many times, things just keep bouncing off, I mean dont fall in place and you feel its not gonna work,but its not so ! Sometimes, it all happens for a reason :)

So have faith and be yourself, thats what you can do best in difficult times !!

So cheer up !!

Day 1 :

Sameer was in his bed when his mobile-alarm rang,"Tere jaisi aulaad se to be-aulaad hona achcha,door hoja meri nazro se, nalayak!!" Sameer jumped off his bed like a spring-loaded-toy. Then he realised, he was far away from his home,where his dad would kill his morning dreams brutually with a harsh voice. He thanked God and looked at his room walls covered up with bollywood posters of his favorite movies and stars, he felt fresh then to get started with his morning chores.

He went to washroom, with Fardeen Khan dancing in background to tunes of,"Ho..ho..ho..ho.ho...Good morning Indiaaaah" He was feeling uneasy and cursing himself because of the junk he ate last night at Shyam's party. Though it was not for the first time, he had done something like this. Sameer was a
foodaholic and yet could model for a toothpick advertisement. But this time, even after spending half an hour on thought-seat, he could not wash off his sins of last night. But as he was getting late, he put everything "on hold" list and ran to the shower and in five mins, he was ready for office.

As he was rushing down the stairs, he was feeling the prelude of fireworks inside his stomach. But as soon as he reached the corner of staircase, he forgot evrything. Violins played "Mohabbatein tunes" around him and there she was....Tanya walking towards him, with her long hair resisting the gush of wind, her right hand desperately trying to cover her sparkling, beautiful eyes and her anklets giggling and peeping out of her Patiala Salwar. Usually Sameer gets all charged up in such cases and plays cool dude confidently. But it was one of those special occasions when your heart doesn't catches signals of any tower in your mind. And so, Sameer was standing at the staircase corner, awestruck, helpless, paralysed. Tanya had already noticed Sameer but pretended not to... and kept walking with a blank face, an art girls usually have a doctorate in. But this time, she felt pity on the poor fellow and thought of giving him a chance to talk to her, by asking for time, though she had a watch and mobile for backup for that case. And so, as she reached Sameer, still standing as a statue, with his head inviting pigeons for good luck and open mouth inviting flies, she halted for a second near him. And thats it....

This shock was enough to spark the fireworks inside Sameer's belly, which acted like a chemical weapon, result...a sudden fire and the damage
was done! Tanya did exactly what any self-respecting girl with unblocked nostrils would do. She walked away as if she hadn't even thought of halting. The moment for which Sameer was waiting since ages, came and passed by and all he could do was,behave like a pressure cooker does when on a burner !

Love's-truck !!

Its been almost 5 months, we moved in together. And since then, my life has taken a complete X-turn...sounds weird..ok, U-turn. My friends complain, I dont spend time with them. My books complain, as I dont spend time with them either. So what ?? Its not my fault, what can I do !

Not long ago, I was lonely, though I had a dozen people around me. I was incomplete, in search of that something, that could complete me in true sense. I was going through a nightmare, away from family, away from friends, infact drifting away from life itself !

Then, I met her.... her charm, her aura just blew me away. I still remember, when I saw her for the first time, in a mall. I just saw a glimpse of her and I was spell-struck ! Then and there I decided, that she ll be mine, no matter what happened. I collected all information about her from all resources, her likes, dislikes; her friends and family; her compatibility preferences and all. Phew.....sheer madness but luck shined on me and we met..met again and again. I started spending more and more time with her. I would see the clock a hundred times in office, and run after work to be with her. And she would also wait for me and greet me with a twinkling spark in her eyes. Whenever we are together, I could not help staring in her eyes, they are splendidly vivid. Infact, I see a whole new world in her eyes.

I love almost everything about her, infact I am crazy about her. The way she talks..by the way, she talks a lot. Whole night would end, but her stories would not! I do not know, who told her all those stories, but I love hearing them. Its not just because of the story itself but because her face lightens up like morning sun while telling a story and her expressive eyes would pierce through my flesh to my conscious and wash away all the worldly malice and discontent. Sometimes, I fall asleep even in midst of her stories, but she wont mind and rather just lie by my side, whole night. And when I wake up in the morning, she would still be there, so serene, so calm like the evening sea-shore. the moment I wake her up, she smiles at me and we start talking about the world affairs. She is very brainy, and talks about a lot of stuff, I dont even know.

She is a bit on heavier side, and so to walk, carrying her in my arms is a bit tedious...but still I dont mind because I feel like a bollywood hero carrying his beautiful damsel in his arms! It feels so lucky, having her in my life, dont know, what would I ve done if she had not supported me in my difficult times. I thank God and
H&P (her parents) for giving me this wonderful gift.

Though all is well, but sometimes I get irritated when she faints while we are in midst of a conversation because of  low battery ! Yeah, what ? Cant my lappy suffer from low battery syndrome ? She is also a machine, she has every right to behave like one ! Now dont give me that look, I am not a weirdo...its just that I love her so much ! Don't you ??

Icarus Fall

"My senses went numb, I was feeling like a rain-drop separated from a cloud and accelerating towards earth  at 120mph, wind gushing past me...evaporating all fear and thoughts in my mind !!"

Most of the good things in life, result as a failure of a plan...at least in my case. So after confusing my friends about success and meeting the objectives of Miami trip, I put forward my vicious plan. And since everybody was depressed, they agreed to a plan, as crazy as sky-diving !!

Till next morning...3 of them realised butterflies not only existed in gardens but in their stomach as well. So, instead of 6, only 3 guys started for the great battle of Greensburg. On the way to the destination, we scared each other in order to pacify our own fear, just like kids do on exam day! When we reached there, we were surprised to see many other mad angles, I mean crazy people. It felt weird to stand in queue to even jump from a plane !! We are not far away from the day when, you ll ve to stand in queue even for ....... !!

Anyways, before we could take the plunge, we had to sign some forms which only said, that if we die during the stunt, our families wont be eligible for any sort of insurance. Now, I would ve been damn scared if only I had read it, so...I dint !!

The moment was still far away, as almost 20 people had to jump before we could, and that too safely. And its the wait that creates anxiety and its anxiety that haunts you not the fear itself. However it gave us some time to calm ourselves. See others arrive safely back and the instructors who were working like the elevator guy, taking passengers up and getting them down , walking on their own legs, was soothing ! Also we saw pictures of a couple who celebrated their 60th mariage anniversary sky-diving, that made us bit more relaxed. But afterthoughts like they had nothing to loose, not even their teeth..made us sweat again !!

And in the meanwhile, we got to talk to a "professional sky-diver in making", who told us, that some people , though very less, had even puked/ wetted their pants while returning back :)) Well, we had come empty stomach, to avoid that embarrasing situation but, what the heck...everybody else was eating if it were his last day on earth. So, we also ate some lite snacks, to make sure, we keep in senses when that moment comes, for which we were taking so much risk.

Finally, after waiting for 6 hrs, we saw our names on the next jump. That was it....our instructors came and introduced themselves. And though, its not the right time to interrupt but cant help it. I need to talk about it, right now! I dont know why this happens, but nobody ever takes me seriously, whether it be the street ice-cream vendor or a sky-dive instructor !! While my other friends were getting dressed uplike F-15 pilots, my instructor asked me not to wear the suit, as it was hot up dere...and I also agreed. But is it fair ?? I also paid the same amount they did, and I was being treated like the free third t-shirt, you get for buying two tees in a sale. Then, when other instructors were explaining the do's and dont's, my instructor was busy having his evening snacks !! I seriously wonder if its written on my forehead, "treat me the way you like, coz I m harmless just like a stuffed toy"!!

Anyways, my camera-person came to me for some bits n bytes.. and I felt a bit better getting some attention finally :D So in that mood only, we boarded the plane. And as it was getting up, our heartbeats were getting faster, hands were getting cold. But being a guy, had to pretend calm and cool..and so I tried my best. We kept talking and joking all the way up. I had to jump third. So I could see two guys jumping before me, dat made me feel a bit more confident about it. My instructor tied himself to me and started giving instrcutions and I could not even say, its too late to explain anything as I could hardly hear him. We moved towards the exit, the view was breath-taking..so I gave it..the breath. And again..cheating, without counting 1...2....3....he made me jump !! Woaaahh.....I engulped mouthfull of air at 13,000 feet...for the next few seconds, "My senses went numb, I was feeling like a rain-drop separated from a cloud and accelerating towards earth at 120mph, wind gushing past me...evaporating all fear and thoughts in my mind !!"

I had planned to think about few things while falling, things that need high thinking..and this was high enough to think about those things..the important questions about my future, my life... which was waiting for me below..if I reached there alive ! But I could not think anything else except just living the moment...free-fall....the scenary below and the camera-person poking me to give idiotic expressions, which I managed to give pretty easily !! And after that...the parachute opened and gave a big jerk, to climb up again almost 200 feet...ok 150 feet, fine ?? Then I had almost 3 mins to get to ground..if everything went fine. Everything seemed to go in slow motion for the next 2 minutes...everything below looked so tiny, so fragile...so ..you understand what I am talking about ?? And then, the landing...I wanted to land on legs but my instructor was hell-bent upon butt-landing...and so...we landed someway in between...on my knees....I had never felt so great about walking on my legs before..It felt so good.... So the jump was over...I was safe and sound... but whats this..why I was the one who came first on ground and my friends who had jumped before me came later....That means, I dint get value for money.... I felt cheated again... Whatever.....the free-fall was over....or was it ??


For two weeks, I was waiting for a deduction in my US account and it was not reflecting in any of the statement..why..I was not able to figure out this why. Ofcourse they cannot forget to cash it...then ?? One fine morning, I got bill of 45.000 INR on my Indian account !! I freaked out..whats this..I never did any purchase on my Indian credit card except my phone bill...Oh gosh...had somebody stolen my credit card ID ?? the very thought sent a chill down my spine !! The thought was more scary then the dive itself.....and then I realised, probably I had paid for my dive on my Indian card itself in sheer excitement....In short my Indian card had dived ahead of US card from my purse at the time of billing...!! Brave Indians :))

Wish I could....

Dont worry, I am not advertising any anti-ageing cream here. Just wanted to discuss an eternal desire to relive the past ! And since I dont know where to start from, let me take up some examples to throw light on the issues and causes.

In childhood, I used to plan and plot for my birthdays with same enthusiasm as MTV Roadies do to stay in the show. I did it every year to make my B'day best ever as compared to past B'days, the measure being the number of gifts received ! But with passing years I started losing interest in celebrating my B'days. Blame it on Kick-ass ritual or my newfound interest in economics, I started relying on others to make it special. And eventually, the B'days that I used to wait for became burden for me ! In fact, just take up this exercise, notice the curvature of smile in your B'day pics of previous years, starting from first B'day, is it decreasing with each passing year? If yes, its time to see a consultant.

During our school days, we used to cycle all the way to school, which was almost 4-5 kms. Ofcourse I enjoyed as we raced each day till school and take pride in winning those races and reach early ! But these days, I make sure that I am the second-last, if not the last person to reach the office/party, reason ??? I dont like to wait for anybody !!

Now a days, during downpours in rainy season....I double check to curse everybody related to rain, right away from the municipal coorporation to Indra Dev, even though I commute in a 4-wheeler which insulates me from downpour as well as running water on roads. While during school days, rain used to be a festival. We prayed that it continues raining till we get out of school so as to ensure we dont miss the opportunity to cycle in knee-deep water knowing that it would be less due to rain and more due to open sewage, but who cared !

In fact, rewinding a bit more, I look back at me pushing the rickshaw, which was our school transport, to help the rickshaw puller while moving on a slope. I enjoyed the labor, since it was a privilege to be picked  out of 6 volunteers on the rickshaw. Though once my cheek was tested for impact resistance by our Maths teacher as pushing rickshaw on slope was risky according to him. But who cared !!

Eating those Rs 1 ice-candies or cucumber/parsnips with chutni or sugarcane pieces sprayed with lemon....uumm, awesome !! However, these days, though I feel tempted towards street food, I do not enjoy eating but worry about hygeine. And this comparison goes on and on and on !

Through all these examples, all I am trying to say is, as we grow older, we leave things behind, which we enjoy the most in name of becoming mature, rational and logical. I enjoyed childhood not because I had all the means to enjoy but because I wanted to enjoy whether with or without material means. I was not worried about what others may think of me. I lived for myself, I was not afraid to try and fail; I was not afraid to fall ! I was more flexible and found fun even in troubles. Helping someone was fun, not burden. It was not that I did not had differences with others, but I did not carry them on my heart till next morning. I was ready to forget and forgive. I did not judge people by brands they wore, I was ready to peep in eyes of strangers and smile. My ego never compelled me to hurt anyone or blocked my way to happiness. And last but not the least, I did not pretend or try to be somebody, I wasn't !

Instead of thinking , "wish I could relive those days again !" and waiting for a time-machine to get you into past, make sure you extract juice from every moment of your life. Mourning over lost good-old days doesnt help, better make your present "a present". Try this, at least on your B'day, dont think rationale or logical, think dil-logical, do something insane, something impractical, something silly, something avai !! Hope you find fun even in daily chores.

The Holi Day

"Holi hai bhai holi hai..", we uttered these words at least a 1000  times, while pouring colors on others in  childhood days. It was great fun, starting a week before Holi...pleading to mom to get the color-gun (pichkari) repaired; getting early on the H-day before anybody and filling baloons with color on chilling mornings. The battles, two or three gangs of society, determined to over-last each other in baloon power. First artillery firing (baloons), some gorillla warfare i.e. hiding and seeking to catch hold of lonely members of other gang and then holi with family members. Mind you, all this action took place in midst of March exams, every year, just imagine !!

During board exams of my elder sister, I was strictly warned not to disturb her ::)) But.... still... yet,.....me and chachu made a plan, got her out and left her with the lady gaga..sorry gang of our society. Though it wasnt as much fun as she caught fever and could hardly prepare for her exam. Me and chachu went through the trial in family court, and as expected chachu was given clean chit and I had to pay hefty fine of not teasing her for the whole next week, just imagine !!

Rewinding few more years back, my Holi days were not as merry, hiding from my adolescent chachu party, for whom I was a toy. They woke me up at mid-night for Holika-dahan, and carried me on their shoulders, though I could ve walked, huh..crazy people ! Again in the morning I would wake up with fear, that they ll play Holi with me, now that doesnt sounds a big deal, isnt it ? Not until you know, that for me it meant to be diving and floating in a color drum upside down, just imagine !! I would ve sued them if I knew about the child-helpline at that time, their good luck...I dint know ! After such a scary start, we would play normal holi with others in the family. Now wait a minute, what to do with baloons ?? you dont expect me to throw baloons on family members, it was prohibited by law because the previous year, one of my throws at Bua dint burst, so she felt the pain for next one week and so did I (do I need to explain why ??), just imagine !! But we found a solution to pacify the urge of throwing baloons, me and my sister would go to roof-top and sit beside roadside railing with a bucket full of baloons looking for targets. But we faced a strange problem, we were too shy to throw baloons at strangers, sounds ridiculous, but what to do ! So...finally we wasted our baloons bombing innocent, stray donkeys and cows....even I regret it now but dont tell this to Maneka Gandhi or I l will land in trouble !

After those years of fun-filled holi, we entered an era when playing holi became a roudy thing and was not supposed cool, but to hell with it..I never cared !! But I had lost my accomplice, my sister was no longer interested so as to pretend mature, huh ! My chachu party had become fathers and did not indulge as they had to safeguard their kids from rashes-causing-colors !! Now the good old drum, no longer had any company on even Holi, as I wont fit in and it was declared an inhumane and senseless act to play with
kids like that..just imagine !!

Then came college Holi, fun-filled Holi sat on a back seat, and Kurta-faad Holi took the front seat. Guys used to settle their grudges in name of Holi. And really pity the girls (not all), they could not even peep outside the hostel due to obvious reasons. Ofocurse there was no fun in it, so no need to imagine !!

Unfortunately, the ecstacy of watching calender pages flip awaiting Holi has been replaced by people fearing rashes of color, the word fun has been interchanged with wishing safe Holi; the joy of intermingling with your neighbours has been overpowered by fear of encounter with uncultured people; the taste of sweets has been adulterated and so on.

But today, I regained my lost faith in Holi and that too at a place I didnt just imagine !! Today, I was forcibly taken to a temple to have Holi celebration with fellow Indians. I went but did not expect anything great out of it. Though, thankfully I was proved wrong as everybody ranging from crawling kids to elders on wheelchair, were enjoying Holi with colors and prayers. It was really heartening to find some familiar environment and even better, to share the same madness during the dance party after Holi celebrations !

So, I think even today, its not really difficult to celebrate Holi decently, provided you have like minded company and some mad animals with you !!

Happy Holi !!