itS"trip-tease"r

You should never judge a book by its cover ! Thats what we failed to realize. When all things seem pleasant.. for sure, you are being deceived !! What seemed in the beginning to be a Weekend Jack-pot, ended up, with us being called as Crackpot. (para 1)

The hide and seek of sun with clouds, fresh air gushing into face while trying to poke head out of sun-roof (on the sides) of my Audi (nick-name of my hatch-back), the scenic route of country side coupled with surprize pot-holes and car-wreckers(speed breakers as people call them) and badmash company... !! What else you need to call a weekend as Malamaal Weekly !!! (para 2)

On the fateful day of 26th Jan, me and "3 idiots" (almir, sherman and madhvan ??? no..no..no, plz dont guess) decided to celebrate 63rd Republic day in democratic style, a trip to a nearby popular dam site. Damn it !! Thats what I should ve said, when they proposed this idea.... but no, I never say no to any foolish idea, at least not when it involves a 3 hr drive to a beautiful dam, a pleasant ferry ride in the catchment of blue waters and chances of getting some potential profile pics for social web'para'sites and cherry on the cake, Kanu's company. (para 3)

As usual, I did not pay attention to the ringing of alarm similar to what my mom does when I stop her from pouring more butter on my breakfast paranthas !! But couldn't ignore call of one of the masterminds of this wicked plan, who decided to wake me up so that she can RIP for another 30mins.... I hate her for being so cruel to my snorting ! "Still sleeping ? you moron..get up, or you ll make us wait again"...She hanged up the call and with that hanged my innocent dreams too... (para 4)

I waited for 24mins 38 seconds exactly, before I saw first idiot, Manu. He had gone home at 12:30 last night due to a prolonged telecon and still was game for today's marathon !! First convict, proved guilty. If he had pulled back from the plan, we would not have gone and happily spent the day cursing him or watching movie, of course on his expense...But no, destiny's ugly sister tragedy was waiting for us, for an exclusive rendezvous. "Hey dude, you came early haah..what a surprise !!", he said smiling all the while. "Yeah, you are not the only one, I surprized myself too", I said in a subtle voice. He sat in the car and we started waiting together. (para 5)

Before Manu arrived, I was waiting at a petrol bunk. And since I am not used to wait, everyone looked like Mona Lisa's painting to me, staring in the direction I was standing. I changed my location several times, to arrive at a logical conclusion but failed ! So finally, I decided to get the tires' air pressure checked. But in haste, I even overlooked the guy, checking the tires and his equipment, now I realize, both looked so tired and sleepy. If this mistake was made by a pencil on a paper and I had eraser, I would have loved to erase it. (para 6)

"Hey dude, you came early haah..what a surprise !!", if you hear same dialogue again in the morning, empty stomach, waiting for 30mins, how would you react ? I did the same !! I stabbed the girl 3 times.................. in my mind and gave a silly grin while opening the car door. Tanu was the second convict proved guilty. She hardly agreed for any plan, even if it was a luncheon together in cafeteria at her floor. But this time she turned up and that too without somebody kneeling down to persuade her. "Why do you do so much make-up ? do you fear, we would not recognize you?". Manu burst out laughing at his own half-cracked PJ... but it did neither impress Tanu, nor me....we did not even bother to look at him. (para 7)

"Hey dude, you came early haah..what a surprise !!", I turned in the direction of the voice with a jerk, like a spring loaded toy. There she was, Kanu, standing like a silhoutte in twilight sky, looked like she was coming out of the sun. An absolute marvel(not comic strip) !! Her face, so pleasant...like an oasis in a melting hot desert, her eyes, so lovely....gleaming with heavenly lights, her ear-rings swinging and laughing at passer-bys...her blue top giving a proud sky run for its money and a peculiar intoxicating smile, which could even enslave kings. In short, an artist's dream, for which even angels would not mind being exiled from heaven.
For mortals !! if looks could kill.......simply a weapon of mass destruction !! (para 8)

And so, this time...even the same irritating dialogue sounded like a honey filled, caramel coated melody to my ears. "Hieeeeee", some extra "e"s in my "Hi", made it even more stupid than I usually behave
when she is around. Anyways, since all seats got occupied..we finally started on  a jouney to the abyss. (para 9)

While crossing city, we came across children dressed in white, exumberant, brimming with enthusiasm holding national flag, Some of that enthu touched us and we also started chirruping.
And since everyone was starving, we took a brief hault for breakfast at our favorite tiffin center and continued. (para 10)

As soon as we reached highway, we took a small hault and my co-passengers started posing for the shutter-bugs. Green fields on sides, solid rock-hills on the horizon, and a solitary highway reaching upto the sky made it a perfect shooting spot. And since I am a camera friendly guy, it always ends up hanging around my neck. Since childhood its been like this as I realized it very late that my definition of "camera friendly" itself is skewed. But this time, I did not mind as it gave me a chance to click pics of Kanu. I clicked almost every second to capture all of her gestures, each of them being a master-piece for my personal art-subway, (gallery wont suffice). (para 11)

Either we were running behind schedule, or schedule was running ahead of us (its yet not known), but because of this very reason, we did not stop anywhere before the next unscheduled stop.
Reason ?? Rows of coconut trees wanted a pic with us. Also, some stubborn but curious rocks had piled over one another to look over the other side of coconut trees and test our rock-climbing skills. Before I could even open the door, I saw Kanu running and skipping over shrubs and small rocks to jump-stand over a big boulder, the combo could ve been titled as,"the bald and beautiful". After that Tanu showed her athletic skills but her specs could not survive this adventure and succumbed to a mild frame-attack. I and Manu mourned for the sudden demise of specs for 2 mins, carried the dead body in our pockets and carried on with the rock-climbing. The first to reach the top was Kanu. Though i am brave, but watching her climbing was nothing less than a horror flick, it was similar to a chicken watching a slaughter house on TV !! My heart came to my mouth, and eyes popped out of sockets, but she went up like a mountain goat..."silly me", I thought and followed Manu. We took some snaps at the top of the most arrogant rock, sat there to listen to the silence for few blissful moments."Who said, its lonely at the top ? Its just that you should not climb alone!!", Kanu made a thoughtful remark and we all smiled and nodded in yes !! And started down-rock. (para 12)

Once again, the car was talking to the wind, and we were talking among ourselves. Kanu forced me sing some stupid numbers and I dumbly noticed her laughing and recording it to blackmail me later. I did not sleep, because I was driving, others did not sleep because Kanu would not let them. She is a live wire, which can light up frowning faces or give a 440 watts shock, whatever the occasion may demand. However, in office she keeps herself disguised as a shy, introvert and harmless girl. A girl, who wont ever utter a word in loud tone, even if angry. "Abe Oye, why are you so silent? Have you come for mourning ?", Kanu shouted in my ear and car took a sudden jerk. Everyone panicked and hanged onto seat-belts, but Kanu was laughing hysterically. "Are you crazy?", Manu shouted."You bet, I am !!", she blinked an eye and shot with her finger. (para 13)

Some more pics and videos on the way and once again, we got down for lunch around 12:30pm. Nothing worth mentioning happened there, except for me snatching Tanu's mobile and smacking it on the floor by mistake,5 mins of melodrama followed; Kanu squeezing ketchup over Manu's white shirt over a movie argument; 5 mins of melodrama followed. We paid the bill for providing entainment to other tourists and left the scene in 30 mins. (para 14)

After 1 hr, I broke the bad news,"I think, we are lost !!". As expected, three different reactions:
Kanu-"Woww..thats so cool !!", she said with a childish sparkle in her eyes.
Tanu-'How could you ? I saw so many sign-boards !", she lost her cool.
Manu-" Dont worry, lets ask somebody", he said peeping out of the jacket, under which he was hiding while sleeping. (para 15)

"Tanu,thats the reason, we lost our way. I tried following all of them.", I said in an indifferent tone. Believe me, half of the sign-boards would try to fool you and send you in wrong direction, as is the case with so called "well-wishers"(your neighbors, your relatives) in your life. Because they themselves keep facing the wrong direction ! "Hey look ! Another sign-board....there is a waterfall just 30kms from here.", Kanu said cheerfully. "Kanuuuuuu, get your head inside first...",Manu said grinding his teeth. and before, anybody could say yes or no, I turned the steering towards the waterfall. (para 16)

Within 25 mins, we were appreciating the beauty of the waterfall. Frankly speaking, I did not expect it to be a proper waterfall, infact I would not have even come if Manu or Tanu had seen the sign-board. Since it was Kanu, I had no choice but to respect her wish. "Awesome, amazing, anonymous !!", exclaimed Tanu. "Anonymous, is not a praising word",said Manu looking towards the distant waterfall. Tanu gave a weird expression and turned away to walk towards the empty bench. "Its beautiful, aint it ?".asked Kanu and turned towards me. I became conscious,"Indeed..it is..it is.... so beautiful, so lovely, so charming, so gorgeous, so...". "Stop..stop...", Kanu interrupted me and pointed towards waterfall and smiled,"its there...not here...". Crap...I said all the lines looking at her and not the waterfall. I buried my head in my collar and walked to the other side. We stood there for a while, Kanu looking towards waterfall, I looking towards her. Manu and Tanu,busy fighting over an almost emptied chips packet. (para 17)

We reached our destination, the Dam at 3:30pm, where we were supposed to arrive at 10-11am. And as expected, the last ferry had left, so we hired a small round dinghy, which made a hole in our pockets. But I must confess, it was so damn worth it !! We all stretched our legs, splashed water at each other. The dinghy-walah made it a merry-go-round for few seconds to make us burst out laughing."Hey, whats that ?", I pointed towards Kanu's nose, it was bleeding. She explored her nose, saw the blood and punched on my arm. I was blaimed for it and my hankerchief was confiscated as a penalty. The guilt was enough to burn all my calories accumulated during breakfast and lunch. So we got down at the banks of the reservoir, did a brief photo-shoot and marched for snacks. After snacks, the next stop was supposed to be Hyderabad, 3:30 hrs straight drive, as we had to attend a party at 8pm. (para 18)

After cruising for almost 1hr, I saw the temple on a hill, which I wanted to visit since I saw it in morning. I proposed and Kanu happily nodded, thats it ! As the wise monks say that the path that leads to God is full of hardships, so it was. The road to temple was aweful, but we managed to reach to the temple. After spending 15mins or so, we started back. What the wise monks, never told was, the return path is even worse and it took its toll ! (para 19)

Tanu was continuously getting calls from her aunt and she kept on telling her that she is at a friend's place watching "Friends" and would be home in 1:30 hr, though we were 2:30hrs away from Hyderabad. As a courtesy measure, I started cruising a bit fast (100-110)km/hr. Though the traffic was not a problem, the road was a bit rough. After 1:30 hr or so, what should not have happened, happened !! The rear-right tire burst and we were stranded in midst of a dark, lonely jungle like surroundings. The uneven tire pressure coupled with speeding aggravated the injuries leading to martyrdom of the tire !! (para 20)

Everyone stared at me, as if I had done this intentionally, I was sure I had spare tire, but the spare tire turned out to be a bummer. It also had a ugly patch and did not promise to survive till Hyderabad. It was like replacing "out of form Sehwag" with Dravid in a T-20 match ! Anyways, we decided to try and reach the nearest town. (para 21)

At a speed of 35-40km/hr, we reached the nearest town, parked car at a petrol bunk, and rushed like a search party for a spare tire. After searching for almost half an hr, we concluded what US soldiers did after searching for Osama in Afghanistan, that the town had no spare tire to offer !! While we were struggling to get an answer to this ghostly problem, we were getting calls from all over the world. The guy hosting party, some distant relatives, some old-forgotten friends, even customer care guys did not want to leave us alone !! (para 22)

At 9pm, Manu announced,"Let us leave the car here for tonight. We ll board the next bus to Hyderabad and get over this ordeal.". The plan was flawless, until we realized a minute later that the bus at 9pm had already left and the next bus would leave at 10pm. "Woww !!", Kanu jumped with ecstasy..."one more hour with you guys, would be fun"...We all turned towards her and gave a hard stare. "Sorry", she made an animated frowning face. However, she soon got bailed out as she came up with a solution. Would you believe that ? A  problem itself solving a problem !! But she did. Her uncle had contacts with a cab operator. And she had called him to send someone with a spare tire. The backup had to arrive in just 1 hr. So we had to somehow pass 1 hr to either board a bus or get a tire to put us back on road. Simple, isnt it ? (para 23)

I was again feeling hungry, and standing adjacent to a sweet shop aggravated the urge further. "anybody wants some pakode ?", I asked. A moment later, I and Kanu were munching on fresh, hot pakode and Manu and Tanya were staring at us in disbelief. I was just trying to live the modern world saying,"If life lends you lemon, ask for tequila". What I did not know, that what I was thinking of as lemon, was just a mango candy !! The real trouble was yet to come.... (para 24)

Standing outside the bus stand, we had already become center of attraction in that small sleepy town. Though trying not to observe too much, still I and Manu were worried to be caught in a catch-22 situation. girls seemed to be a responsibility now. And while we guys were drowning in the sea of unpleasant thoughts, two guys, probably drunk walked towards us. One of the guys was strongly built, his chest and biceps looked like inflated balloons of appropriate sizes. And the other one, side-kick not worthy of more than 2-3 punches.(thats how, guys usually weigh other guys/strangers). And since girls have this uncanny knack of adjusting to such adverse situations, Kanu and Tanu had already hidden even their shadows behind us. (para 25)

The big guy asked me something in local dialect but all I could sense was, it was not friendly, so I clinched my fists. Before i could ask him to repeat his question, Manu pulled me aside and took control of the situation. Definitely the conversation was not about the recent cricket series, or I would have picked something. After some unnerving 2-3 mins, he walked off. His gestures suggested, he was unsatisfied with the conversation. Now it was no more fun. It was a "black hawk down" situation with hostile surroundings. I was cursing myself for not learning the regional dialect in past 5yrs. And Manu did not seem in a mood to tell me about it. We were eagerly waiting for the back-up, but bad times have this trait of squeezing the last of your hopes before passing by. (para 26)

The bus stop had become deserted by now, The shops' shutter had gone down. Dogs and cats had resumed their night duties. And our heads were turned in the direction towards Hyderabad from where the back-up had to arrive, like sunflowers turn in direction of sun. Though smoking is injurious to health and cigarettes are bad but that evening I did not feel so for the first time, because only the dim light from a nearby cigarette shop was keeping company to us. I thanked all the smokers of the world for not giving up on smoking and all the shopkeepers, who sell it relentlessly through all the odds and opposition of cruel non-smokers (including me) !! (para 27)

The big guy turned back again, came to us with more conviction in his body language. he claimed to be a CRPF guy, but did not look even a bit of it. He stood near us and was talking loudly to a guy about the bus timings, almost trying to force feed the guy on the line to make him deny that a bus leaves for Hyderabad at 10pm. After a while, he gave up and hanged up the call. Again came to Manu and had a brief conversation, which I would have translated if I had understood "Businessman" movie, but I did not, so I would not !! All I could do was to wait for Manu's signal to engage in a likely event of bare handed dual. But luckily, that did not happen. He went to the other side of the road and kept staring at us. (para 28)

The last bus was about to come and our back up had not arrived. Now should we all 4 board the bus ? or should we all 4 wait for back-up ? or should we send the girls in the bus and wait for back-up ? What if that guy boarded the same bus ? So many questions were floating in the air. And answers ? they had already left with 9pm bus to Hyderabad. Somebody held my shoulder from behind, I turned with a jerk, but to my relief, it was the sweet shop guy.Hhe had come to make sure, we had left. Actually a while ago, I was chatting with him about his native and developed a mutual acquaintance. Some other passengers also joined us, waiting for the 10pm bus. And soon after, got call from Kanu's uncle that the cab was nearby and we should not board the bus. We all sighed and took a long awaited breathe of relief. (para 29)

In half an hour, I was experiencing those blissful moments of inner peace, utmost content and inert state of mind, I had longed for years. Kanu was sleeping with her head on my shoulder on the backseat of the cab, as Manu did not want me to create any further trouble by driving the other car. I dropped Kanu at her place, thinking that it was the last time I ever went out with her. That after such a trauma and torturous trip, she would not ever talk to me again. That its all over, until my mobile beeped and passed out. Did I read her name on screen ? I desperately wanted to reach home, not because I was tired and wanted to embrace my bed. But because I wanted to charge the mobile and read the message. As soon as it regained conscious, it read her message, " Thank God its over !", my heart sank to the depths of Atlantic or Pacific (my GK has always been bad). Still I read further, "But I want to admit that today was one of the best days of my life, Thanks !!". I skipped "one of the" and my heart jumped till Al Burj/ Al Khalifa's (my GK...) top floor. (para 30)

"Shall we go there again next week?", I messaged her back. I was ready to take another trip to the damn dam to hear that again ! "May be some other time ?", she replied back. What an idiot I am, I slapped myself and went to sleep. (para 31)

Breaking News !!

Retarded.....ugly and stupid !! Face with weird expressions...eyes blood red, hair unkempt like unwatered road side weeds, fists clinched and trying to push the wall... Overall, a figure of pity.....But....wait a minute ! Thats me.....looking in the mirror.....!!

It looked like a regular routine filled morning and a predictable day...in the morning, which of course turned out to be a day-mare...if you want to call it that way !

I heard her re-emphasizing.."we are just friends...and ll be... hereafter too... if you want it that way. You listening to me ??", rest all my dumb (keyboard problem) numb head defied to hear.... Last thing I heard was, "Ok Chintan, dont you worry...everything would be fine...gotta go...bbye !!". Did she break up with me ? Yes....she broke-up with me....much before I could even make it up to her...

In the morning, I was reading newspaper, shitting (keyboard problem) sittng in a confined space on, what literate people would not call a chair...pitying people dying for unreasonable reasons like road accidents, militant attacks, poverty and even sudden heart attacks ! That was when, my eyes got fixed on an article "Failure in love-life can kill too ??". It told about a guy who failed to woo his love and jumped off the roof. He realized it late....not his failure but, that it was only first floor and could only manage to kill his father's loyal dog, who was the sole witness of the incident and did not live to bark about it. The guy could only get 2 broken bones, not because of the fall but his father's courtesy." Later I shared the online newspaper clip on FB and added a comment,"huh...what a despo !!", which got 4 likes and 8 comments, not that I am boasting about it but it feels great man !!

People say, mirrors dont lie...but this one....definitely was ! I was adjudged as the fresh face in first yr of college.. But right now, it showed me all the pimples, blackheads and oh my god !! did I see a grey hair in midst of all the dandruff ?? I am doomed... Firstly, my grades did not come great, not that its a surprise but still it hurts man !! Secondly, my maid who thinks that I fall for every second lady, felt ...though for a second, that she was the second one !! Thirdly, the girl I was TDM in love with, oh by the way TDM means (truly.... deeply and melody..arrghh...madly), this keyboard ducks !! Anyways, the girl I love and was about to propose shortly in 1-2 years..dumped me ! Not that I was not expecting it but its just that it came a bit early than I expected !! And lastly...this grey hair...

My eyes had swollen but tears would just keep coming like Hyderabadi traffic does, when you want to cross the road. Its not that, that I am not good at crossing roads, I can even double-cross a 2-lane road but tears.... As far as I remember, I never cried in childhood not even in adolescence as it was considered a sign of weakness. Until I saw Salman Khan, the macho man, crying in a movie..and I said..I can cry better than that and you get to be called sensitive too !! I do not know about others but my tears dont seem to taste good...too much saltiness just ruined the taste !!

My cell was ringing...before I could reach for it...it became silent. I looked at the caller name, it was her number. Woww !! She called me ? The thought itself sounded so exciting but...why would she call me ? We had just met in college.. I mean she was sitting 2..ok 200 mtrs away with her friends and caught me looking at her thrice....so romantic naa... Though, I had got her number from a common friend but could not gather the courage to call her..but I could still point at her number blind fold from a heap of phone directories.... So should I call back ? or wait for her call and try to show off some attitude.. before i could decide, she called again.

I was desperately trying to wipe off tears with my hanky, t-shirt and kitchen napkins as well... but desperate times call for desperate measures. So, I ran for toilet roll..only dat cud wipe off a mess like that. I was confident as it has handled much worse situations than this like aftermaths of Edward's butter chicken party... Gopi's booz nite and gift wrapping of Bijoy's gift for his girlfriend....

"Hello..this is Chintan, who is at the other end....", I picked up the phone."Grow up Chintan...you know its me...stop behaving like an immature school teenager !",she said."Listen, I want to talk to you about something important, are you listening ?", she continued. Of course I was...with super-sonic pulse rate, com-pounding heart, eyes wide open..was she about to say those magical three words ??? "Who are you ?", she said. What ?? did I hear it correctly ? Did she say, who am I ? No, wait..it cant be..its not supposed to be.. The astrologer on TV said, my love life is about to take off....or did he mean take....off ?? "Who the hell you think you are ? You are embarrassing me in front of my friends Chintan.", she said in a subtle, cold manner, I could hear grinding of teeth...so very peculiar of her...when she gets angry. I loved it when she did something like that to my #5 competitor in front of canteen... Everybody said, it was very rude of her..only I supported..infact celebrated it by paying for all 5 of my friends. What sounded like a romantic symphony that day, sounded like hammering a nail into a defiant wall, right now.

"So you mean...you mean you dont like me ? you were not waiting for me to propose you ? You are not angry because I am delaying ? but..because I embarrassed you !! You like someone else ??, I asked all of it in a flurry. "Oh, com'on Chintan...you are not my white knight in shining armour but a shy driver, who uses too much dipper at night but never overtakes !!" She took a long breath and even longer pause....'Listen Chintan, I do not want you to suffer because of me.. because you are very innocent, very cute...but not my type !". I never realized that innocence is such a ditch (this keyboard....). "Stop thinking about me..and never.... ever....ever... think of embarrassing me by proposing in future. Its just a friendly advice." Sounded more like a threat to me..but girls have their own vocab..cant help it.

I heard her re-emphasizing.."we are just friends...and ll be hereafter too...if you are ok with it but nothing more than that.....you listening to me ??" My heart sunk like Titanic..oh man !! It was on such a beautiful journey...but alas..bruised so badly that it chose to sink than keep afloat with scars. The phone got dropped from my hand, like a twig from a tree struck with lightening. I could still hear her voice,"Ok Chintan, dont you worry...everything would be fine...gotta go...bbye !!". She fell from a height with my phone...that hurt me too. The flood gates were opened..tears started rolling down and when transformed into avalanche..dont remember. So many emotions striking the same note...at the same time...pain..agony...!!

I wanted to ask so many questions....but to whom..could not decide. I wanted a shoulder to wet with tears..but whom to call..could not decide... I wanted to burn effigy of her..but which books to choose to burn..could not decide ! Looking in the mirror...I could not decide, looking stupid is bad or being one !!

I dont know, if I would be same person again. If I would ever be able to love someone again. If If I would ever want to be called innocent again !!

Lucky Cafe

A lot can happen over a coffee !!!  naah......... I do not believe that. Do you ?

While composing this incident, I tried to be usual me.....thinking
what all could go wrong when a guy tries to date a girl in the first meeting ?

hhmm...Lets see.

Guy asks permission to sit next to a lonely girl, and she plainly says,"NO"
moral down....

Lets assume she agrees and in excitement, while getting up to order a coffee...guy bumps into an old school, who screws the guy in front of the girl for being uncourteous, uncultured, unethical and so on...
impression down...

The guy tries to compliment the girl for her smart phone, which turns out to be a dumb calculator
IQ down....

Lets assume she ignores these incidents, the guy gets coffee, comes back...sits there and while fiddling with stupid cup, the coffee falls over her pretty dress, you just complimented her about.
down...down...down !!!

And yes forgot to mention, that while going that girl crushes his bike into wall by her car !!

I mean....screw him altogether....in all possible ways...because he dared to give it a try ??

Come'on, give him a second chance.... wont you ??

Lets begin afresh.....

A  guy walks into an open air coffee bar, on the lake view side of a crowded mall.
But surprisingly, its silence in the air coupled with obvious serenity of the view.

The guy walks directly towards the extreme right corner table.
“Excuse me, do you mind if I sit here ?” , asked the guy to the girl already sitting there.

The girl raised her head from the novel, which she was reading since afternoon and found a 5’10” tall guy in a blue and white striped, collared  t-shirt and khaki shorts facing her, with a smiley face and starry eyes.

She could not decide, whether to get surprised or shocked to see a stranger asking for something she did not want to share…..........privacy !!

“Who the hell are you ? why don’t you sit anywhere else !” that’s what she wanted to ask and much more….
But before she could decide to confront or do anything…the guy threw another ball at her.

“Please don’t misunderstand me, it’s my lucky table. I always prefer to sit here. “ He said in such a calm voice and with such conviction, that all she could manage was a sheepish nod…

The guy sat facing her and the lake view, for which people would step over shoulder of other people in peak hours. But being a weekday, the view was up for easy grab,............ the lake view.

“Beautiful !!”, the guy said…..

“Excuse me !!”, eyebrows of the girl dared the guy for such unwanted attention. “What do you mean ?”

“Pardon me…I was referring to the lake. I just love to stare at it, whenever I am here. So serene…so calm..
So peaceful…so…”

“Ok..ok….stop it…I got it…”, the girl said with an arrogant but pacified tone and dived again into the novel, which was cursing the guy for sharing the attention, it was enjoying without any competition till now.

The girl was not exactly an artwork or sculptor by God but fair, fairly attractive and graceful. She was wearing a casual brown Kurti and a faded blue jeans, which had almost decided to turn white. The beads around her neck and glasses tightly holding onto her nose, were giving her an intellectual look. In short, a pretty girl with sense and simplicity.

The guy ordered the coffee and was again looking straight in direction of girl, or in other words.... the lake placid.

After some moments of unpleasant silence, "What is so lucky about the table?", whats this !! She wanted to remain indifferrent but it just spurted out.

The guy gave a smile, "Actually everytime I have sat here, I have managed to get a date",said the guy staring right into her eyes....

The waiter brought the coffee. And the guy got busy customizing it, but his eyes still fixed on the girl.

Haah..what the fudge !! he aint no Prince charming, why would anybody date him ? or even have a coffee with him for that matter !
"May be its not ur lucky day mister !! I am not in a mood to date anybody !!", said the girl confidently fixing her glasses.

The guy smiled again clamly, but his mischievous eyes revealed it all that he was about to shoot a teaser, "who says, I would ask you ? you are not my type !!", he said sipping the coffee.

And before the girl could close her mouth, opened in awe, he continued," I was referring to the girl who is sitting there"pointing a finger towards another girl, sitting two tables away.

She had a round face and sharp features but an overly-anxious expression masking its beauty, as if she was waiting to get in a shop, where everything is at 80% discount. Anyways, she was wearing a loose red top struggling to stay on her shoulders and green shorts and not to forget her yellow shoes. Overall, she could easily give a run for money to a chameleon for the color contrasts she was sporting.

"Do you think, she would agree ??", the guy asked the girl while still looking at the distant target.

Though, she would not advise such a girl for even an enemy, but in these circumstances, her obvious answer was, "NO...."

"Why not !!", the guy asked with an animated curiosity.

That was a tough one," coz..coz...you may be not be her type!! ", she concluded.

"Her type ?? How do u know that ??  Are you a face reader like me ??", the guy asked again, resting his chin on his fist.

"Ahha...so you want me to believe, you are a face reader ??...very smart", the girl said fixing her glasses again. Her tone suggesting, she was in no mood to get convinced.

"Oh yeah...I am...", the guy said, leaning back on the chair."And I can read it on your forehead", he said leaning back at table with a jerk.

"And whats that ?", asked the girl gathering back her composure and with genuine curiosity.

"uumm...It reads, "Pick MEEEEE.... not her ! She is no match for you.", concluded the guy, smiling and patting himself for his wits.

Girl makes a weird face, "haa...haa....haaa... very funny" and wipes her forehead with a hankerchief to get rid of accumulating sweat.

"Now it reads, this guy is a genuine genious!", claimed the guy with a victorious grin.

The girl gave a forced, annoyed smile while putting her hankerchief back in her purse.

Guy said, "just kiddin...Just wanted to see your expressions". The girl became consious and her hand automatically moved to fix her glasses.

"But that girl seems to be just the one I wish to date.", continued the guy.

"Why is that ?", asked the girl.

"Because ...she is wearing a loose top and shorts. And that means....."

"What does that means to you ?" girl interrupted the guy, in anticipation of an obvious answer.

"That reveals that she has a ....she has a very good.....good sense of fashion." said the guy, chewing his answer and sipping the coffee.Thouroughly enjoying girls' expressions, whose eyes were popping out of sockets as if preparing to launch an "Anti-Eve teasing Campaign".

"Haah.... listen mister...I exactly understand..what u meant...", the girl sad settling down but pointing a finger towards the guy."dont try to act smart.." Though she was praising the guy within, for his jugglery of words.

"Thanks for the compliment..but I am not good at accepting compliments..", the guy said, acting to blush.
This time, the girl smiled... "You know what..you are a psycho...!! ", she said

"How do u know that?? ", the guy said giving a shocked expression. "That I have done masters in psychology ?. Anyways...its alright, I think, I am inducing you to read forehead too".

" And guess what, you get an opportunity to repay me. I think, you can help me to get her to agree to my proposal.", the guy continued with his vicious plot.

Wait a minute, this is not happening...Is he trying to use me to get her ? No way.....
"Why should I help you ?? I dont even know you", girl said using her both hands to gesture her annoyance.

"Oh com'on..thats such a non-issue! Hi, my name is Shinchan, Shinchan Niranjan Vachchani, Shinchan Niranjan Manbhanjan Vachchani, rest I ll tell you later. And as u already know, done masters in psychology and my phone number is 00-6999-9999...."

"Stop..stop...did I ask for your number ??", the girl said trying to justify her intentions.

"I thought, that would be your next question", guy said smiling. "Usually, thats what girls ask me first...."

"But you are different... you asked it after a long time...I like it", guy said trying to control his grin.

Now the girl blushed and her cheeks turned pink trying to hide her subdued emotions.....And once again, her glasses hugged her nose, on a slight touch of her hand.

"So, you asked, why should you help me....", guy said with his head staring the blue sky and finger tapping his dimpled chin.

"Lets think.....may be for a cup of coffee ??", he suggested...pointing towards the girl's empty mug." infact, take it as an advance...", and smiled again.

" Waiter !!! "

Dominozzz Effect !!

Now this may sound absurd but holds true if and only if you are a pizza lover. And you have spent some quality time with any mouth-watering, olive-eyed, vibracious Pizza in any bakery/restaurant or specialty pizza parlor  or even at home.

So, here is a theory about the weird analogy between your Life and a Pizza !! Now you may just turn a straight face or put 2-3 more wrinkles on your forehead or even adjust your specs to make sure, you read it right. So lets just start by concluding that you read it right !!

The logic of comparing your life with a Pizza :You may think, that you have set your priorities right and have told your choice well in advance, to whomever you think is responsible to shape your life and affect it in whatever

manner possible. Quite similar to the way you order a Pizza, choosing the size, price-range, toppings or the stuffing. Expecting that it would turn out exactly the way you wished it to be ! A colorful life-size masterpiece, a treat for eyes and tongue. But........ all said and done, in the end..it doesn't even matter. Because sometimes, it all depends on someone else...and not you, for how would your life or pizza may look and taste :)

On the same lines, your life is a conglomerate of many sectors, your family, your relatives, your career, your friends,secret affair and others, which may not be of equal importance but, lets assume for the sake of comparison with Pizza, its same, the way a Pizza is a joint venture of many pieces. You may choose which piece you want to eat first but still, you gotta finish 'em all....all by yourself :)

Now, good part is, you can choose the toppings, the way you like it, just like friends in your life ! You can choose evergreen onion, without which your every plan is incomplete; hot-headed but kind hearted tomato, which can give blisters if not given proper attention; soothing capsicum, which would not only impart taste but change your life forever; mushroom, however hard you try to keep him away, still manages to reach your mouth and so forth and so on.....

And then, your girlfriend/boyfriend..who is like the cheese-burst added to your Pizza.... falling all over you...making you drool...making you feel, thats the only reason you bought the pizza for....making sure, ur all attention is towards it, ignoring all other things. !! Tastes great at first and then as time passes by, things start stretching and it becomes tasteless by the time you reach last bite :)

Last but not the least, Your career/studies....just like the base of the Pizza, doesnt taste good, does not have any appeal, but still you could not afford a Pizza without a base....in short an indispensable part of your life,a necessary evil :)

And there could be some freebies in your life, who keep coming and going at their own discretion, which you may want or may not want, but still tolerate them, just because they come free of cost or at a nominal price....similar to a cold drink bottle, garlic bread or introductory pasta, which disturbs your diet plan and affects your pocket too..

dispensable but still you juggle them till the time you reach your table or home :)

So there you are....my friend.....staring at the Pizza and looking for more similarities between your life and him. Hope you could better relate to it now and have a healthy relationship hereafter !!

And yes, do share your findings if I have missed any :))

Have I fallen in Love ?? Litmus test

For all those, who ask themselves this question some or the other time or all the time, "Have I fallen in love ??"

You can easily find the answer to this question by answering "Yes"/"No" for following statements/questions.

Note: If you want to answer "May be..", you definitely have not attained the right age to fall in love...so relax !!

1. You still enjoy snacks between four meals a day ??

2. You still search for logic in Bollywood masala movies ??

3. There is no time lag between a good joke and your frantic, hysterical laughter !

4. You still gaze at passing girls/guys and not stars in daytime !!

5. You are still considered hygenic socially/ you dont smell like a dumpster ??

6. You are trying to quit smoking/alcohol ??

7. Your friends still call you for parties and dont treat you as a street dog with rashes !!

8. You can still sleep 25 hrs a day without complaining of exhaustion !!

9. Nobody has yet referred you to a psychiatrist !!

10. The girl/guy you think you love, doesnt thinks of you as a complete loser !!

Even if one of your answers is "Yes", go through the questionnaire again, you still have hope to find more "Yes".

And if most of your answers are "No", then my friend....you were my friend !! May God have mercy on you :)

I hate Surprizes !!

Here I was, standing in front of my class-teacher, I staring at the mosaic tile of the floor...rubbing my shoe against it. And my teacher staring down at me.After moments of torturous silence, the inevitable rain started pouring,"I am really upset with you. You are a bright student, why would you do something like that ?" And look up, when I am talking to you !!" I was made to feel like a serial killer, who had appeared in court to plead guilty.

It was Diwali season, and as a tradition somebody had to plant a cracker-bomb in the boys-toilet. And this time, I had to do the honors. Or rather I took it up on me to prove a point to my stupid, idiot, and "self acclaimed cool" friends. So, on the destined day, with a pounding heart and shaking hands, I planted the bomb after lunch, with a lit scented stick to act as timer and left the scene. But, unfortunately the fragrance of the stick was too good to get unnoticed and the sweeper of the school, who usually played the "sniffer dog", foiled the plan. And still dont know, who traited me and gave my name to teacher or I swear to God, I would have demonstrated my karate skills to him without hesitation.

And now it was fire-fighting time. I looked up, gathering all the courage left in me, and all the innocence almost ready to pour out of watery eyes."Ma'am I did not do it, I am being dragged  into this matter unnecessarily!". It worked but not much as I was not  used to such kind of trials. She lowered her tone,"Now the last thing you would want to do is lie to me! Accept you did it with dignity and I may reduce your punishment. Or tell me the name of the guy, who did this". Woah, I was offered a deal, either to get my head shaved or stab one of my stupid, idiot and "self acclaimed cool" friends. I glanced at them, but to my surprize, their faces seemed to be as innocent as I had not seen in my lifetime! Their eyes, made me feel bad about the very idea of betraying them and giving their name as mastermind.

I was feeling the cold sweat running down my back and on palms. I had no choice but to plead guilty, for the crime which never happened ! So, with a heavy heart and embarrassed voice I nodded my head and said," Sorry Ma'am, I should not have done this. I apologize for the mistake I have committed. Please forgive me."

But has anybody seen roadways-bus-drivers giving way to dogs ? None. But the miracle happened. To my surprize, she calmed down and touched my shoulder and said," Since you have accepted your mistake and considering your good records, I have no doubt that you would not commit such a heinous thing again. But.....". The but did put breaks on my increasing happiness. And a question mark floated in my eyes, whats this but for?" She continued," But you ll have to monitor that until Diwali vacation starts, nobody from this class does anything like this again." her words dropped like Hiroshima bomb on my ears. I wanted to shout, punish me but not like this. But instead, I thanked the teacher for her kind nature and came back to my seat.

The damage was done. I turned my head towards my friends again and saw those innocent faces turning into demon faces again. And by courtesy of my stupid, idiot and "self acclaimed cool" friends, I had to monitor what janitor did, play "sniffer dog" !!

An Affair after Despair-Day#2

Day 2 :

Sun had already taken a bed-tea and was playing hide and seek in the sky, when Sameer's alarm rang,"Jane ye ladka kya karega, kapoot hai ye kapoot, uth nalayak !!" And Sameer woke up, still grumpy and unhappy over last day's embarrasement. But, it was still Tuesday, so he got up feeling his feet as 50 kg each, and hardly managed to drag himself to washroom. It was easy today, he dressed up for office, got down the staircase anticipating one more encounter to make up for yesterday but, there was no wind, no violins, just an old Maruti emitting too much carbon-monoxide, reminding him of yesterday's embaraasement !!

Sameer took an auto to his office as usual and was thinking all ifs and buts all the way. As he reached the compound, he saw a girl getting off a cab.Oh God, thats her !! Sameer got excited and would ve jumped out off his auto, if auto-wala hadnt given a jerk to auto,smelling Sameer's intentions.And when he stopped the auto, he turned angrily towards Sameer with his finger ready to point and shoot, but to his dissappointment, he found nobody inside. Sameer had dissappeared like a ghost vanishes in thin air!Shocked, he turned his head to find Sameer, and found him standing next to a pretty girl. Tanya was struggling to find change in her purse just as a novice magician tries to find a rabbit in his hat to complete the trick ! "May I help you?", Tanya raised her head to see Sameer
standing beside her smiling.Sameer asked again,"Let me help you." Tanya had no choice but to agree as she was getting late for office.She nodded her head in yes and Sameer came in between her and Cab driver like a hero jumps between his gf and hungry tiger in jungle."I dont know, why cab drivers dont keep change? Just to embarrase common people? You guys should be debarred from driving cabs without carrying change!" The cab driver was listening to Sameer like a sincere student in class listens to his teacher.Sameer was still continuing,"I feel all cabs should ve a swiping m/c installed so that you guys dont trouble people",all this while he was glancing to make sure Tanya is watching him talk like an
intellectual in an international convention does on Global Warming! Also, he was searching for his purse, which was not to be found at its usual hide-outs.He had already frisked his pants front pockets, the back pockets. The last option, the shirt pocket also reported it missing!The cab driver swung out of the cab, and examined Sameer from top to bottom,like an ATS personnel examines a suspect.Now it was his turn,"Listen Madam, I know you dont ve change. No problems,I know you work here,I would take it tomorrow.  But I ve one advice, dont ever trust such guys(and gave Sameer a nasty look), huh" !! Sameer could see his WTC of love, falling and cab driver looked like a Lashkar terrorist to him, who had just crashed his cab instead of plane to cause demise of his budding relationship! 

Sameer turned to explain to Tanya that he must have forgotten purse at home, but found his auto-wala in between. Sameer looked him and then looked Tanya. Tanya felt as if a hungry Somalian child was staring at her while she was eating a Mc Donald's burger!She immediately took out a 500 rupee note and handed over to Sameer and started walking.

"Tanya, please wait a min, let me explain...",Sameer came running, panting. 
Tanya stopped,"now what? I ve had enough for the day".
"I know, I am so sorry...I know, you feel that I always behave weird. But its just that,when I get nervous, I behave like this".Sameer looked serious."I wont trouble you more, just give me your phone # so that I can contact you to return your favor,your money." Tanya calmed down, she now felt pity for him.She wanted to talk but it was already late."9975432341 and dont call me after 9pm",she said and rushed to her office.

Last time, Sameer had been so happy was when his school time gf, who dominated him so much had left her to hook up with his arch rival,Rohan. Sameer started dancing in slow motion,"Pehla nasha..pehla khumaar.....". He threw his jacket in air.."naya pyaar hai...naya intezaa.." bAAAAAAAm..Sameer found himself on ground staring at sky and people staring at him, the biker and the bike. Actually, the jacket he threw in air, did not get proper landing instructions from ATC and it landed on a biker coming from behind, who in turn crashed directly into the parking lot of Sameer. Fortunately, the impact was not major as Sameer was still smiling while people carried him for first-aid.