The inevitable !

The journey was arduous, first 12 hrs in train, then 6 hrs in a typical desi bus. Every part of my body, moving in a harmonic motion, like those art-pieces, which move neck and trunk due to breeze of air, seen in drawing rooms at the top of old B&W tv sets. It was a bit weird, waiting in a stranger city for my friend's brother whom I didnt know ofcourse. Did I do the right thing to come here ?

A car stops," Shalab bhaiya.." and zoop.....I am in a home full of guests, everybody is busy making the arrangements, sounds like, "where the hell is the electrician, just cut-short his payment"......"who kept these food items outside, when would these people become responsible" ......"arre..somebody call the groom, we are already late ..." are filling the vaccuum. Did I tell you, I am here to attend a marriage ?? Oops...sorry. Actually recently I saw the movie, 27 dresses and was ready to take up the role of best-man and to my surprise, got the chance pretty soon....And here I am in midst of all the action.

However, I was allowed to take some rest, which I desperately needed to rejuvenate. I was moved to the guest house. It was nice, a personal A/C room after 20 hrs of journey, what more one could wish for. But no, some people have itchy-hands, and so.. I poked the care-taker, a hand grenade which was waiting since eterniy to explode and I, I just pulled out the safety-pin. And by the time I realised, it was very late. It seemed as if he was waiting for a victim to tell his stories, one after another. At the end, he left as a happy soul and I was declared, brought dead !

When I reached my friend's home, the stage was set for the semi-finals, I mean for the "Tilak ceremony" and my friend was ready to face his in-laws, though it was a friendly match, still the tension was on and thats what was making it more interesting. However, everything was going well until an uninvited guest showed up, the Indra dev..and we started running for cover. When we reached safe hide-outs, we realized that somebody else also needed cover from rain, so we ran out to get cover for them, the food counters. Since it was a homely affair, we were responsible for the arrangements, or rather irresponsible as by the time we reached the counters, gulab jamun was practising swimming, may be to beat Phelps and dahi-wade were looking damn relaxed like happy buffaloes in a village pond.

The next day was the D-day(I dont know, why do people call it D-day and not J-day!). Anyways, my friend was getting all the attention, he ever wished for and all the tension that he never wished for.... And me, I was busy with his family members, cracking jokes and planning for the shoe-exchange deal(an integral part of marriage) until I was called to take care of the groom's life's most crucial makeover. We tried different formations of stole with sherwani and then settled for one approved by groom's mom. And quite unlike 27 dresses, I din't even get the time to get my clothing from the guest house, chosen for the occasion, but there is where reel life differs from real life !

Like any other marriage procession, we tapped the roads of Jabalpur on some Indian and some Indianised numbers and reached the marriage hall. But looked like we had swam across the Narmada, to reach there. And I can bet, any deodorant company would have feared to claim their product's success against our sweet-sweat's salty-smell ! And hence to ensure comfort of the bride-side, we took a break(without any kit-kat.....). When the show started again, I found myself with a mike in my hand and a camera staring at me as I was the host for the evening. A live event coverage....and broadcast on a big screen so that everybody could share their thoughts, comments, compliments and wishes. This idea took birth in wicked mind of mastermind himself, the groom. But its success lied in my big mouth... and fortunately, it came out pretty well. But believe me its not that easy to concentrate & talk sincerely to elder aunties, when you have so many pretty young faces around. Although I took utmost care, not to leave anyone unattended, at times I felt my legs betraying me and walking in opposite direction to mine, but then duty comes first !

During the big-feast and during the entire proceedings, we got so many compliments for the unique idea(at least in Jabalpur..). Everybody was appreciative of our efforts for making the evening special and thus I was very eager to see the recording. So after all the marriage hustle, I went up to the cameraman and asked him, when can he get me the tape as I had to leave the next day. He just smiled, and plainly said,"Never". I said Ok, and started walking, then I realised he had said never! What does that mean? I turned back with a big question mark on my face. And got the reply which left me with a foolish smile on my face, a smile of mixed emotion....

Did you guess it ? Yes, absolutely right, he just broadcasted it, did not record ! It was not recorded because one of our friends had instructed him to just broadcast it and not record as he did not want me to shell extra money, so nice of him naa.....true friends you see !

The best of me !!

Everyone is special in some or the other way. But we dont feel so most of the times,

unless someone makes us feel special ! And those become our beacon for lifelong as they

help extract the best out of us.

For me, it was my Bade Papa :) A lean frame, grey hair, eyes that had compassion for whole world and a face that evoked respect and love. At an age, when people think to relax, the enthusiasm he had, could make even youngsters run for their money.

I was the happiest soul on earth, holding his finger. I felt like Jungle King,with him by my side. I was a small kid then, and he was the Big Daddy(father's father). Anything he asked, was command for the rest of the family. And I, even as a kid, was smart enough to figure this fact out ! And I never missed any opportunity to cash on it. Infact sometimes, I think... I did see jealusy in my Dad's eyes for his own son, but I was least bothered about it.....then !

I remember,when I was 4 yrs old,once my Dad could not hold his nerves and showed me "Tare Zameen Par" for some mischief. I could not dare say anything to him, but my small fickle mind drove me to Bade Papa and instead of complaining directly, I asked him, "you are the eldest member of family,rite ? that means you can over-rule anybody in the family, rite ? and what if it is my father? can u show him, whos the boss here? coz he messed with me !" He laughed out loud, because he knew from the beginning, what I was narrating whole story for! And when my Dad came back home from office, he told him the complete story and he also couldn't stop smiling and agreed to get a fake scolding from Bade Papa, just to pacify my false ego!

Bade Papa were a child magnet, he loved kids and they loved him too! And I felt real proud to introduce him to my friends. Evenings were so much fun with him. All the kids of colony, flocked at our home to be a part of evening proceedings, which ended with Bade Papa's stories in twilight. My favorites included those of Cheikh Chilli and ghosts. In short,we operated a Crech for all kids of vicinity. Now I regret not charging their parents for it!

I loved to go shopping with him, even if it was for vegetables, reason.....the sports shop!

It was like auto-pilot,wherever we went, it ended up landing at sports shop to buy a new ball everytime. My mom hated me for this, because a new ball meant danger for her crockeries and other valuables! But who can stand against the "Lord of the Ring", so she also surrendered.

In summer holidays, we had yummy mornings....as sugar parathas were a ritual, a family patent recipe! Evenings, movie was as inevitable as the evening itself. In fact, even before end of the holidays, we did raid the whole video library, ofcourse Bade Papa being the sponsor. It was like a holiday assignemnt to watch all movies of library, which we completed before time!

On our annual day of school, every year, he used to accompany us. I still remember the glitter in his eyes, every time we went onto stage to collect the prize with him, he seemed to be no less excited than us ! And when we did return back with bags full of prizes, we got welcome like Indian Cricket team does after winning a major tournament.

But as every sweet dream gets over with night, he also passed away. But his memories still tickle us(gulguli, as we say it) like a feather and bring smiles to our faces. And the seeds of love and confidence that he did sow in our lives, we are reaping benefits of them even now. His teachings still help me to get the best out of me !

Its all bout Money Honey..

Sometimes your fears appear in the form of nightmare....And its rare that you care..... but even rare that you dare to think what would happen if it were a reality affair. But in my case...the chances are pretty fair !

In school days, many a times, I wrote essays on Dowry...the social evil. And I was so damn used
to write it again and again that I still remember its contents. It stated the demerits, the trauma it causes to parents of a girl, the social inequality and hatred it creates and finally called for the eradication of the social evil. And by the time I grew up to college, it was heartening to see that because of increasing number of love marriages, the evil was breathing out its last days. However, being obsessed with the habit of thinking weird... it was real funny to think, if it were the other way round... I mean if guys' parents had to offer dowry! The bride-side coming to groom's home with the procession and etc..etc.. In fact, to materialize this the-then-weird notion,
we staged a play, which was an instant hit since it was a comic subject then.

But not now, as recently, I was reading an article titled,No job, No love. And as the title suggests, it talked about the recession in the romance biz due to economic meltdown. It illustrated views of many liberated, economically self dependent and practical love dealers.
Don't ask me why, but it contained views of power-puff girls only, and each word reminded me of
old-bollywood-in-law-vamps, who cursed the protagonist for not fulfilling their dowry expectations. So, these modern-gold-diggers were justifying dumping their boyfriends, who had either lost their job, or didnt fetch big bucks as expected. And of course, they had no regrets at all ! And I instantly realised that dear, the time has come...the fixed deposit of atrocities on women has started paying off the dividends. And that too quite generously!

Obviously, today the pay packet of a guy completely outweighs his qualities. The parents regretting the birh of a male child, doesn't seems to be a distant possibility. And I cant help thinking about my old weird thoughts of the "turn-table-idea". And so, I conducted a survey among my friends of course.... And here is the summary:
Many of my friends were damn sure that they would not take dowry and others were damn sure that they(read girls) would not give dowry !! Many of them (read guys) dont have any expectations whatsoever from their would-be..but girls have unanimity in their opinion (surprising and shocking both....) that their beau should be well settled, should have enough savings, should be able to provide a luxurious life-style and much more than a single etc ! For instance, one practical must-bees being, a girl working in a national MNC doesnt wants anything less than a guy working in international MNC !! Obviously, I did not dare to ask them the reasoning behind the verdict.

But my question is, have we really eradicated dowry or it has just transformed itself to suit the present societal circumstances. Whatever the truth may be....... I am really scared because sooner or later, I ll also have to come under the hammer ! And till then, I can just hope that my once staged comedy doesnt become my real life tragedy !

Jai Ho...

In fond memory of those martyrs who fought bravely to deny victory to our national arch rival, those who sacrificed their personal life, those who spent sleepless nights staring in the eye of the enemy, those who bore the brunt of attacks and are still carrying the bravery marks!

But its not over yet, the war is still on.....

Saludos to the valor of all the students(soldiers) who are facing the fury of Board Exams at Examination Centres(warfront) and all the support entities, who are ensuring that they put up a brave fight.

Board exams are here again, and claiming as many personal lives of students as never before. Everybody is contributing their bit in this hour of national crisis. Curfew has been declared in most of the cities. And No Sound sign boards have been put outside and inside, homes of Board appearing students. Places of worship are witnessing a house-full as mothers want to leave no stone unturned to help their wards. This 'innocent species' still think that the break-up of marks obtained is 70%hard work+20%prayer+10%luck! And they can score 30/30 by praying on their child's behalf and gifting some lucky charm like locket or something...to the apple of their eye!

Such times bring out the hidden side of our society, as coaching centres act like poaching centres, hunting down students with arrows of assured 40% marks,and ads like, "No Marks se Marks tak". All roaring parents(in normal times) behaving like household cats, pleading to their children, to not let them down in social circles.

For those at the epicentre, these are the times of joint warfare (combined studies), where friends reunite to curse their teachers,pity their ignnorant parents and strategise for upcoming battle by signing pacts of mutual cooperationwhen needed. These are the times of frequent encounters with the long forgotten books and at night, with books beside and bedside, feeling like "Sleeping with the Enemy"!

For some, its the time to square the scores. The siblings make you regret the time you denied them any favor, and act like host of Sansani, with remarks,"Wake up if you wanna sleep in peace after results too..!"whenever you want to sleepy break..

Your otherwise 'emotional-spendthrift' grandma looks at you as if you are a war-criminal since you deprieved her, of her daily dose of "In-Law-Melodrama". And you feel, Oh man...I have become a top-notch Villian over-night.no..no over-board...!

Not only students, Board exams jolt economy of the nation too...as the most spendthrift class of society doing BCA(Baap ke Cash pe Aish) is under house-arrest. This causes all the food joints, dhabas, movie theatres, entertainment parks, discos n pubs suffer huge losses due to these un-eco-friendly exams. Infact, some legislation should be passed proposing that Board exams should be avoided in times of recession at least.

But as they say, war is the destiny of a soldier, similarly Boards is the destiny of a student. And nothing..absolutely nothing can deter you from having teet-a-teet with your destiny. So, all I could do is, wish all the board-divers a thrilling and non-erasable experience. Just pull the lever and dont fear exam fever, have a dive of your life!

B'day Blong

Simply awesome...it was a nice party but a bit strange(ajeeb)...I must say. Jagjit Singh was performing, but standing on a small stool, recalling his childhood days. All hot n happening female actors of Bollywood could be seen, but fighting for a platter of starters, kids playing with cartoon characters who actually were politicians, and the dance floor fully occupied, but with elders dancing to the beats of Shakira....the same elders, who always cursed western culture and its influence in our parties... And then my eyes got fixed up there, I was trying to concentrate on the text which was glittering, it read, HAPPY B'DAY .....! " get up dude..its 9 a.m.!"

Huh..ohh no...not again..! The first words I uttered after dragging my eye-lids to open and look at the Calender. I have never been good at dates....yeah..yeah..think whatever you want to...! But in this case, I forgot to wish my friend on the most awaited day of the year...B'day! Ofcourse, I had set reminders and was planning since months to make it a special day(though remotely) for the person, I like and admire a lot.. But everything is ruined now, and I have no explanations whatsoever.... In short, I am doomed ! I am feeling like a dumb a** unsure, absolutely blank like my old B&W TV with only Doordarshan at my disposal ! "What do I do now?", the only thing flashing in my head like breaking news does on Aaj Tak. The options I had were, write up an apology letter topped with 'Xtra sorry', or ask common friends to act as counsel and help to make
an out-of-court settlement, or surrender with hands up and head bowed like a defeated soldier.... naah...I feel like choosing none of the above options and quit the show with whatever I have earned till now. But wait, thats not me.....

Enough is enough, now what ???, thats what was the question. And to get the answer to this question, I travelled far n wide, talked to experts, went to monks and wizards, read literature and case-studies on the subject but none..absolutely none could give any satisfactory solution(for my problem not lens solution...). They were suggesting all trivial solutions like sending gifts, or flowers or cards and blah..blah... But I knew that for my uncommon problem, I needed an even more uncommon answer.

So, as all big conglomerates do in times of crisis...... I decided to go public. I thought of wishing the person in an unusual way and gift the most precious thing I could offer. So, here it goes:

However, I am not good at reciting, but allow me...uhhu..uhhu..."Only few get everything, that all yearn for, only few really reach the height, that everybody aspires for and only few realize completely, that ordinary dream of...... May you get everything you deserve ......wish you that xtra bit of luck that is needed to be "one of the few". I wish you, A mouthful of sky.....the sanctity of thoughts needed to fly. I wish you all the courage you need to make things change.....wish you a very Happy B'day even if the party is strange.... :))

And Hope is the gift, I want to offer since its the only thing that restores smile and helps you walk that extra mile...... !

Think again....

Thinking is such a waste of time! Time and again, I have questioned the statement and tried to prove it wrong but no matter how long the tryst goes, every time the bottom line comes as Hence Proved just like my good old trigonometry notebook!

Believe me, even I do not want to believe it either but unbelievably its the fact. People say, "planning is very necessary to get things done in right way". Well...I don't disagree with them but then, I have my own reasons to stand in the League of Extraordinary gentleman who abide by Murphy's Law that,"If anything can go wrong, it will". So, that means if you are planning, you are just increasing the uncertainty factor involved.

Not convinced...hhmm..ok..lets say your gang plans for a movie and everything is planned, like who ll pick whom, which route to follow, when to leave, who ll manage cash/card and who ll get the tickets. Now what if:
1. The guy coming to pick you gets stuck in traffic jam or his ride punctures. result=screwed !
2. Some people take shortcut and wait for others to follow, who obviously don't because they
don't know . result=screwed !
3. The friend allotted to you as pillion, takes a "bit" more time for make-over(not make-up).
result=screwed!
4. You send your friend to get the tickets, but there is no ladies line today. result=screwed!
5. Tech savvy...internet booking....ahha...the console ditches you just when its your turn to get
the tickets. result??? do I need say it again ??
You can say there was no risk mitigation plan, or failure modes could have been fixed! I agree, but then with those plans, there would have been new uncertainties or risks.

During school days, we used to stage plays and always get appreciated, but God knows, it never went as per script, planned and rehearsed a 100 times. Thank God our mentor was a real brave-heart, as she survived numerous heart-attacks, she used to get back-stage during performance. The irony being, we got similar kind of appreciation for our spontaneous performances also! While in college,in every semester, we always planned to complete the assignments in time.....but it always resulted in last time topology. We always planned to finish the study material in 2 out of 3 days gap between exams...but result being one night stand with books on 3rd night or for that case, 5th night of 5 days gap.

As a matter of fact, Tatkal quota in Railways truly represents quota for Murphy's followers. I don't remember, when was the last time, I booked my ticket and traveled in general quota! Its not that I didn't try, but whenever I tried, I had to cancel the ticket because of one or the other inevitable reason. One more instance that pokes me real hard is, me and my friends planned many a times to visit Vaishno Devi....but the plan just couldn't materialize. Sometimes we hadn't had leaves, sometimes we couldn't get the tickets, sometimes we had both but people backed out. And that's how, the planner inside me died a slow and painful death!

But no regrets, because it always landed me in deep soup. Moreover, I have had best of the experiences which were not planned or which surfaced because of excessive uncertainty arisen due to fool-proof plans. So, it doesn't really matter whether you plan or not, you are bound to face the uncertainties.

For me, planning means adventure sport. And, a No...No affair, when I don't have margin for adventures! But usually, I fall prey to the temptation of adventures and do make plans. But I don't know why, the moment I utter the word Plan, my friends start running in all directions(kat lete hai) or bribe me to shelve my plan indefinitely. May be they are not so adventurous types. Crazy people.....huh!

Being Jack-ed !!!

When I first read about Titanic story in 9th or 10th standard, I tried to visualize the tragedy,and almost sighed for the passengers. When I saw the movie, it seemed so real, I almost cried for the victims. But to be on a ship that is drowning is altogether a different experience than reading about it or viewing it on screen. So, I wished I were on such a ship since I was sure I wont repeat the mistake Jack did in Titanic movie...

Unfortunately, my destiny's sense of humor is a bit wicked, and so my this particular wish was granted! I am serving a company which is going through turbulent times, and has hit a "confession-iceberg". And believe me its nonetheless a similar experience. Chaos has replaced professionalism, panic can be seen instead of foundation on girls' faces and guys are considering transition to 502 Pataka bidi from Marlboro ! But my heart pounds for the family bugs, whose wings are under scissors because of bank EMIs(not Electro Magnetic Interference) they wont be able to pay...They are going through a hailstorm and that too with a bald head!

But there is another side of the coin too....There are people who made the hay, while the sun was shining. I personally know 5-6 guys in my unit, who got engaged before this mayhem triggered. They also sigh, but a sigh of relief. And for others who were planning getting engaged mid-year, it would happen but with some extra grey hair! More happy people include new joinees, who got rid of their 'back home-sourhearts' as they have a valid reason now, not to call everyday.
The other good thing being, less phone calls by banks for loans and credit cards. Yesterday only, my friend got a call from a bank for a credit card, we all jumped at him and asked him to tell our company's name...the result...the caller hanged up apologising and sympathesizing. Otherwise it would have been a long call asking why you dont need a card or loan.
In another incident, that raised eyebrows of my colleague, he got a message from bank about reduction in his credit limit to 3k from 100k.We all giggled at him and he was fuming like a "Act II popcorn in making", but soon our mobiles also beeped to his rescue. And now it was his turn to laugh!

The flip side being, all things that seemed to be pleasing few days ago, seem to be teasing now. The sign boards of Sale seem to jeer at you, low air fares mean just a sarcastic joke and fuel-cuts make you feel like govt. is playing prank on you. To add to your woes, you open TV to relax and see every news channel broadcasting same horror movie starring your company. So, even jumping channels feel like crossing a lake with crocodiles as the only stepping stones.

The only option left.......to destress yourself by lending stress to others. So, I have started singing loud during shower; I dont keep change now and hand-over Rs. 500 note while buying Rs.1 rupee chlormint; et cetera et cetera....

Infact, I am seriously considering to record a message for all those "well-wishers" who call only when you are experiencing blues, explaining the situation and save me from hand-picking my own hair! Moreover, I am planning to appease all my relatives, who always crave for my visit to their abode. But, I ll make sure to stay for such a duration that I dont have to pay for the return-ticket!