itS"trip-tease"r

You should never judge a book by its cover ! Thats what we failed to realize. When all things seem pleasant.. for sure, you are being deceived !! What seemed in the beginning to be a Weekend Jack-pot, ended up, with us being called as Crackpot. (para 1)

The hide and seek of sun with clouds, fresh air gushing into face while trying to poke head out of sun-roof (on the sides) of my Audi (nick-name of my hatch-back), the scenic route of country side coupled with surprize pot-holes and car-wreckers(speed breakers as people call them) and badmash company... !! What else you need to call a weekend as Malamaal Weekly !!! (para 2)

On the fateful day of 26th Jan, me and "3 idiots" (almir, sherman and madhvan ??? no..no..no, plz dont guess) decided to celebrate 63rd Republic day in democratic style, a trip to a nearby popular dam site. Damn it !! Thats what I should ve said, when they proposed this idea.... but no, I never say no to any foolish idea, at least not when it involves a 3 hr drive to a beautiful dam, a pleasant ferry ride in the catchment of blue waters and chances of getting some potential profile pics for social web'para'sites and cherry on the cake, Kanu's company. (para 3)

As usual, I did not pay attention to the ringing of alarm similar to what my mom does when I stop her from pouring more butter on my breakfast paranthas !! But couldn't ignore call of one of the masterminds of this wicked plan, who decided to wake me up so that she can RIP for another 30mins.... I hate her for being so cruel to my snorting ! "Still sleeping ? you moron..get up, or you ll make us wait again"...She hanged up the call and with that hanged my innocent dreams too... (para 4)

I waited for 24mins 38 seconds exactly, before I saw first idiot, Manu. He had gone home at 12:30 last night due to a prolonged telecon and still was game for today's marathon !! First convict, proved guilty. If he had pulled back from the plan, we would not have gone and happily spent the day cursing him or watching movie, of course on his expense...But no, destiny's ugly sister tragedy was waiting for us, for an exclusive rendezvous. "Hey dude, you came early haah..what a surprise !!", he said smiling all the while. "Yeah, you are not the only one, I surprized myself too", I said in a subtle voice. He sat in the car and we started waiting together. (para 5)

Before Manu arrived, I was waiting at a petrol bunk. And since I am not used to wait, everyone looked like Mona Lisa's painting to me, staring in the direction I was standing. I changed my location several times, to arrive at a logical conclusion but failed ! So finally, I decided to get the tires' air pressure checked. But in haste, I even overlooked the guy, checking the tires and his equipment, now I realize, both looked so tired and sleepy. If this mistake was made by a pencil on a paper and I had eraser, I would have loved to erase it. (para 6)

"Hey dude, you came early haah..what a surprise !!", if you hear same dialogue again in the morning, empty stomach, waiting for 30mins, how would you react ? I did the same !! I stabbed the girl 3 times.................. in my mind and gave a silly grin while opening the car door. Tanu was the second convict proved guilty. She hardly agreed for any plan, even if it was a luncheon together in cafeteria at her floor. But this time she turned up and that too without somebody kneeling down to persuade her. "Why do you do so much make-up ? do you fear, we would not recognize you?". Manu burst out laughing at his own half-cracked PJ... but it did neither impress Tanu, nor me....we did not even bother to look at him. (para 7)

"Hey dude, you came early haah..what a surprise !!", I turned in the direction of the voice with a jerk, like a spring loaded toy. There she was, Kanu, standing like a silhoutte in twilight sky, looked like she was coming out of the sun. An absolute marvel(not comic strip) !! Her face, so pleasant...like an oasis in a melting hot desert, her eyes, so lovely....gleaming with heavenly lights, her ear-rings swinging and laughing at passer-bys...her blue top giving a proud sky run for its money and a peculiar intoxicating smile, which could even enslave kings. In short, an artist's dream, for which even angels would not mind being exiled from heaven.
For mortals !! if looks could kill.......simply a weapon of mass destruction !! (para 8)

And so, this time...even the same irritating dialogue sounded like a honey filled, caramel coated melody to my ears. "Hieeeeee", some extra "e"s in my "Hi", made it even more stupid than I usually behave
when she is around. Anyways, since all seats got occupied..we finally started on  a jouney to the abyss. (para 9)

While crossing city, we came across children dressed in white, exumberant, brimming with enthusiasm holding national flag, Some of that enthu touched us and we also started chirruping.
And since everyone was starving, we took a brief hault for breakfast at our favorite tiffin center and continued. (para 10)

As soon as we reached highway, we took a small hault and my co-passengers started posing for the shutter-bugs. Green fields on sides, solid rock-hills on the horizon, and a solitary highway reaching upto the sky made it a perfect shooting spot. And since I am a camera friendly guy, it always ends up hanging around my neck. Since childhood its been like this as I realized it very late that my definition of "camera friendly" itself is skewed. But this time, I did not mind as it gave me a chance to click pics of Kanu. I clicked almost every second to capture all of her gestures, each of them being a master-piece for my personal art-subway, (gallery wont suffice). (para 11)

Either we were running behind schedule, or schedule was running ahead of us (its yet not known), but because of this very reason, we did not stop anywhere before the next unscheduled stop.
Reason ?? Rows of coconut trees wanted a pic with us. Also, some stubborn but curious rocks had piled over one another to look over the other side of coconut trees and test our rock-climbing skills. Before I could even open the door, I saw Kanu running and skipping over shrubs and small rocks to jump-stand over a big boulder, the combo could ve been titled as,"the bald and beautiful". After that Tanu showed her athletic skills but her specs could not survive this adventure and succumbed to a mild frame-attack. I and Manu mourned for the sudden demise of specs for 2 mins, carried the dead body in our pockets and carried on with the rock-climbing. The first to reach the top was Kanu. Though i am brave, but watching her climbing was nothing less than a horror flick, it was similar to a chicken watching a slaughter house on TV !! My heart came to my mouth, and eyes popped out of sockets, but she went up like a mountain goat..."silly me", I thought and followed Manu. We took some snaps at the top of the most arrogant rock, sat there to listen to the silence for few blissful moments."Who said, its lonely at the top ? Its just that you should not climb alone!!", Kanu made a thoughtful remark and we all smiled and nodded in yes !! And started down-rock. (para 12)

Once again, the car was talking to the wind, and we were talking among ourselves. Kanu forced me sing some stupid numbers and I dumbly noticed her laughing and recording it to blackmail me later. I did not sleep, because I was driving, others did not sleep because Kanu would not let them. She is a live wire, which can light up frowning faces or give a 440 watts shock, whatever the occasion may demand. However, in office she keeps herself disguised as a shy, introvert and harmless girl. A girl, who wont ever utter a word in loud tone, even if angry. "Abe Oye, why are you so silent? Have you come for mourning ?", Kanu shouted in my ear and car took a sudden jerk. Everyone panicked and hanged onto seat-belts, but Kanu was laughing hysterically. "Are you crazy?", Manu shouted."You bet, I am !!", she blinked an eye and shot with her finger. (para 13)

Some more pics and videos on the way and once again, we got down for lunch around 12:30pm. Nothing worth mentioning happened there, except for me snatching Tanu's mobile and smacking it on the floor by mistake,5 mins of melodrama followed; Kanu squeezing ketchup over Manu's white shirt over a movie argument; 5 mins of melodrama followed. We paid the bill for providing entainment to other tourists and left the scene in 30 mins. (para 14)

After 1 hr, I broke the bad news,"I think, we are lost !!". As expected, three different reactions:
Kanu-"Woww..thats so cool !!", she said with a childish sparkle in her eyes.
Tanu-'How could you ? I saw so many sign-boards !", she lost her cool.
Manu-" Dont worry, lets ask somebody", he said peeping out of the jacket, under which he was hiding while sleeping. (para 15)

"Tanu,thats the reason, we lost our way. I tried following all of them.", I said in an indifferent tone. Believe me, half of the sign-boards would try to fool you and send you in wrong direction, as is the case with so called "well-wishers"(your neighbors, your relatives) in your life. Because they themselves keep facing the wrong direction ! "Hey look ! Another sign-board....there is a waterfall just 30kms from here.", Kanu said cheerfully. "Kanuuuuuu, get your head inside first...",Manu said grinding his teeth. and before, anybody could say yes or no, I turned the steering towards the waterfall. (para 16)

Within 25 mins, we were appreciating the beauty of the waterfall. Frankly speaking, I did not expect it to be a proper waterfall, infact I would not have even come if Manu or Tanu had seen the sign-board. Since it was Kanu, I had no choice but to respect her wish. "Awesome, amazing, anonymous !!", exclaimed Tanu. "Anonymous, is not a praising word",said Manu looking towards the distant waterfall. Tanu gave a weird expression and turned away to walk towards the empty bench. "Its beautiful, aint it ?".asked Kanu and turned towards me. I became conscious,"Indeed..it is..it is.... so beautiful, so lovely, so charming, so gorgeous, so...". "Stop..stop...", Kanu interrupted me and pointed towards waterfall and smiled,"its there...not here...". Crap...I said all the lines looking at her and not the waterfall. I buried my head in my collar and walked to the other side. We stood there for a while, Kanu looking towards waterfall, I looking towards her. Manu and Tanu,busy fighting over an almost emptied chips packet. (para 17)

We reached our destination, the Dam at 3:30pm, where we were supposed to arrive at 10-11am. And as expected, the last ferry had left, so we hired a small round dinghy, which made a hole in our pockets. But I must confess, it was so damn worth it !! We all stretched our legs, splashed water at each other. The dinghy-walah made it a merry-go-round for few seconds to make us burst out laughing."Hey, whats that ?", I pointed towards Kanu's nose, it was bleeding. She explored her nose, saw the blood and punched on my arm. I was blaimed for it and my hankerchief was confiscated as a penalty. The guilt was enough to burn all my calories accumulated during breakfast and lunch. So we got down at the banks of the reservoir, did a brief photo-shoot and marched for snacks. After snacks, the next stop was supposed to be Hyderabad, 3:30 hrs straight drive, as we had to attend a party at 8pm. (para 18)

After cruising for almost 1hr, I saw the temple on a hill, which I wanted to visit since I saw it in morning. I proposed and Kanu happily nodded, thats it ! As the wise monks say that the path that leads to God is full of hardships, so it was. The road to temple was aweful, but we managed to reach to the temple. After spending 15mins or so, we started back. What the wise monks, never told was, the return path is even worse and it took its toll ! (para 19)

Tanu was continuously getting calls from her aunt and she kept on telling her that she is at a friend's place watching "Friends" and would be home in 1:30 hr, though we were 2:30hrs away from Hyderabad. As a courtesy measure, I started cruising a bit fast (100-110)km/hr. Though the traffic was not a problem, the road was a bit rough. After 1:30 hr or so, what should not have happened, happened !! The rear-right tire burst and we were stranded in midst of a dark, lonely jungle like surroundings. The uneven tire pressure coupled with speeding aggravated the injuries leading to martyrdom of the tire !! (para 20)

Everyone stared at me, as if I had done this intentionally, I was sure I had spare tire, but the spare tire turned out to be a bummer. It also had a ugly patch and did not promise to survive till Hyderabad. It was like replacing "out of form Sehwag" with Dravid in a T-20 match ! Anyways, we decided to try and reach the nearest town. (para 21)

At a speed of 35-40km/hr, we reached the nearest town, parked car at a petrol bunk, and rushed like a search party for a spare tire. After searching for almost half an hr, we concluded what US soldiers did after searching for Osama in Afghanistan, that the town had no spare tire to offer !! While we were struggling to get an answer to this ghostly problem, we were getting calls from all over the world. The guy hosting party, some distant relatives, some old-forgotten friends, even customer care guys did not want to leave us alone !! (para 22)

At 9pm, Manu announced,"Let us leave the car here for tonight. We ll board the next bus to Hyderabad and get over this ordeal.". The plan was flawless, until we realized a minute later that the bus at 9pm had already left and the next bus would leave at 10pm. "Woww !!", Kanu jumped with ecstasy..."one more hour with you guys, would be fun"...We all turned towards her and gave a hard stare. "Sorry", she made an animated frowning face. However, she soon got bailed out as she came up with a solution. Would you believe that ? A  problem itself solving a problem !! But she did. Her uncle had contacts with a cab operator. And she had called him to send someone with a spare tire. The backup had to arrive in just 1 hr. So we had to somehow pass 1 hr to either board a bus or get a tire to put us back on road. Simple, isnt it ? (para 23)

I was again feeling hungry, and standing adjacent to a sweet shop aggravated the urge further. "anybody wants some pakode ?", I asked. A moment later, I and Kanu were munching on fresh, hot pakode and Manu and Tanya were staring at us in disbelief. I was just trying to live the modern world saying,"If life lends you lemon, ask for tequila". What I did not know, that what I was thinking of as lemon, was just a mango candy !! The real trouble was yet to come.... (para 24)

Standing outside the bus stand, we had already become center of attraction in that small sleepy town. Though trying not to observe too much, still I and Manu were worried to be caught in a catch-22 situation. girls seemed to be a responsibility now. And while we guys were drowning in the sea of unpleasant thoughts, two guys, probably drunk walked towards us. One of the guys was strongly built, his chest and biceps looked like inflated balloons of appropriate sizes. And the other one, side-kick not worthy of more than 2-3 punches.(thats how, guys usually weigh other guys/strangers). And since girls have this uncanny knack of adjusting to such adverse situations, Kanu and Tanu had already hidden even their shadows behind us. (para 25)

The big guy asked me something in local dialect but all I could sense was, it was not friendly, so I clinched my fists. Before i could ask him to repeat his question, Manu pulled me aside and took control of the situation. Definitely the conversation was not about the recent cricket series, or I would have picked something. After some unnerving 2-3 mins, he walked off. His gestures suggested, he was unsatisfied with the conversation. Now it was no more fun. It was a "black hawk down" situation with hostile surroundings. I was cursing myself for not learning the regional dialect in past 5yrs. And Manu did not seem in a mood to tell me about it. We were eagerly waiting for the back-up, but bad times have this trait of squeezing the last of your hopes before passing by. (para 26)

The bus stop had become deserted by now, The shops' shutter had gone down. Dogs and cats had resumed their night duties. And our heads were turned in the direction towards Hyderabad from where the back-up had to arrive, like sunflowers turn in direction of sun. Though smoking is injurious to health and cigarettes are bad but that evening I did not feel so for the first time, because only the dim light from a nearby cigarette shop was keeping company to us. I thanked all the smokers of the world for not giving up on smoking and all the shopkeepers, who sell it relentlessly through all the odds and opposition of cruel non-smokers (including me) !! (para 27)

The big guy turned back again, came to us with more conviction in his body language. he claimed to be a CRPF guy, but did not look even a bit of it. He stood near us and was talking loudly to a guy about the bus timings, almost trying to force feed the guy on the line to make him deny that a bus leaves for Hyderabad at 10pm. After a while, he gave up and hanged up the call. Again came to Manu and had a brief conversation, which I would have translated if I had understood "Businessman" movie, but I did not, so I would not !! All I could do was to wait for Manu's signal to engage in a likely event of bare handed dual. But luckily, that did not happen. He went to the other side of the road and kept staring at us. (para 28)

The last bus was about to come and our back up had not arrived. Now should we all 4 board the bus ? or should we all 4 wait for back-up ? or should we send the girls in the bus and wait for back-up ? What if that guy boarded the same bus ? So many questions were floating in the air. And answers ? they had already left with 9pm bus to Hyderabad. Somebody held my shoulder from behind, I turned with a jerk, but to my relief, it was the sweet shop guy.Hhe had come to make sure, we had left. Actually a while ago, I was chatting with him about his native and developed a mutual acquaintance. Some other passengers also joined us, waiting for the 10pm bus. And soon after, got call from Kanu's uncle that the cab was nearby and we should not board the bus. We all sighed and took a long awaited breathe of relief. (para 29)

In half an hour, I was experiencing those blissful moments of inner peace, utmost content and inert state of mind, I had longed for years. Kanu was sleeping with her head on my shoulder on the backseat of the cab, as Manu did not want me to create any further trouble by driving the other car. I dropped Kanu at her place, thinking that it was the last time I ever went out with her. That after such a trauma and torturous trip, she would not ever talk to me again. That its all over, until my mobile beeped and passed out. Did I read her name on screen ? I desperately wanted to reach home, not because I was tired and wanted to embrace my bed. But because I wanted to charge the mobile and read the message. As soon as it regained conscious, it read her message, " Thank God its over !", my heart sank to the depths of Atlantic or Pacific (my GK has always been bad). Still I read further, "But I want to admit that today was one of the best days of my life, Thanks !!". I skipped "one of the" and my heart jumped till Al Burj/ Al Khalifa's (my GK...) top floor. (para 30)

"Shall we go there again next week?", I messaged her back. I was ready to take another trip to the damn dam to hear that again ! "May be some other time ?", she replied back. What an idiot I am, I slapped myself and went to sleep. (para 31)