Travel-ouch

A lucky man is one, who has a loving mother… or a loving wife…But if it’s not ”OR” instead an “AND” in my previous statement, than I would not be so sure !!

Sometimes too much happiness also chokes your throat. That is what happens with me every year end. My wife and my mother share the same sun-sign, and as if that was not enough… it happens to happen on adjacent days. And definitely, this kind of coincidence of sun-sign is not a good sign for any just guy.

The plan was perfect, take leave for wife’s b’day (Friday) and book flight to reach in time for mom’s b’day (Saturday) !! But all is not well, that starts well. I successfully pacified my wife, spent whole day with her, so no Taandava* this year !! Yeah.. after 10 yrs of marriage also, you can’t escape… However, she happily let me go for whole weekend to celebrate my mom’s b’day. I can’t tell you in words, how happy I was… think of an employee being offered sorry by boss, think of getting pure milk (no drain water/ surf excel)or in short, think of a prisoner offered a layout of jail and necessary tools by jail-staff to break-free of prison !!

Saturday it was, I started from home at 8:00am sharp for flight scheduled at 10:30am. In cab, driver started torturing with stupid songs, but I forgave him...since I was so happy ! I forgave the traffic constable for stopping us for 15 mins on signal...since I was happy ! I even forgave the credit-card sales person on phone, since I was….happy of course.

When I reached the airline counter at 9:00am, the painted lady, I mean pretty lady said, ”Sir, your flight is on-time. Wish you a happy flight”, and gave my boarding pass with the same fake smile, that you are entitled to when you fly in economy class. I think, the smile curve length varies from economy to business class, not sure though…

I was sitting in the waiting area, thinking of all the good dishes my mom would be making for me, my old cozy bed, where I would relax for whole weekend without being disturbed for irrelevant, unimportant, time-killing household chores. And that is what you call an exotic holiday !!

Suddenly, all the nice-thought-balloons were punctured by the vibrations of my mobile. My mom was calling for status update. I told her, the plan is on and I would see her in another 4 hrs. She was thrilled and so was I !!

Time is a wicked entity if you ever had the time to notice… It would just zoom pass by, if you are watching a cricket match with friends or boozing happily. And just crawls like an earthworm when you are stuck with your wife & heavy shopping bags in your hands. I swear, I saw my clock after 2hrs, still it was just 09:30 am !!

I saw my clock again, it was 10:15 am. Still no boarding announcement ? What the fudge (I am an ice-cream lover, in fact my mobile also runs on ice-cream sandwich) !! I stood up and walked towards the airline counter again, and unsurprisingly found whole bunch of fellow passengers arguing with the prickly, I mean pretty lady. The whole scene resembled angry rebels waving black flags and shouting slogans to govt. officials & politicians for an anti-people law. I tried to tune in my ears to the same frequency to hear myself, what the fuss was about. “What do you mean the flight is delayed ?”, a young lady was shouting with her vocal chords utmost strained, not a pleasant sound I must say. “Why did you not tell this earlier?”, an elderly uncle were asking in a calm but angry tone. “These airline guys are all but a bunch of lazy monkeys…they…”, a local guy was cursing them in local slang, which I cannot complete or translate literally or this post would have to be rated as “A”. "At least give snacks to munch on till the flight arrives...", a 35+ lady asked, a well-rounded personality, I must say. But nobody heard her. “When do you expect to take off ?”, I asked from a distance politely,which only an IT guy can do...talking politely even if he is as frustrated as a gorilla without food for 2 days... And surprisingly, all the angry birds turned towards me. All the angry passengers were looking at me, as if I had sabotaged the flight. "Did I ask something wrong?.. Sorry..", I said in an embarrassed tone. And all of them, once again turned back towards the airline counter and started shouting again.

In the meanwhile, the floor manager had arrived, SWAT personnel for the airlines, with expertise in tackling unruly and rowdy passengers. I had heard, they are usually appointed based on their ability to tolerate unpleasant words and gestures for a long duration without feeling any emotions. He was a middle aged short guy,his hair combed straight with 1-2 oil drops dripping on side of his collar. He also had three-lines on his forehead, suggesting he was a God fearing person. In all, a dove of peace, a sea of calmness and a monk from Himalayan monastery. "Please gentlemen and ladies.. listen to me.. this is not our fault. There seems to be a technical problem with the plane engine. Our engineers are working on it, and we ll fly in another
one and half hours. I apologize for the delay. But please cooperate". His smile and composure irked the passengers even more. They started shouting again. "Why cant you shift us to another carrier instead of wasting our time ?", another passenger shouted. "Sorry Sir, we checked but there is no flight taking off till next 3 hrs !!". The manager silenced him as well. "At least give snacks to munch on till the flight arrives...", the same lady replayed the same track. "Sorry Ma'am, we cannot do that till the lunch time !!", and the manager gave an apologetic smile again.

I had no choice... but to wait. I could not dare to call back to my wife.. or she would convince me to come back home. Not that, she is very logical or a voracious orator, but just that no husband can win over her wife in any argument !! Noway, no calling wife.. I am on vacation.. so i called my mother instead. "Hello Mom... yeah... called you to tell that I would be late. Yeah.... the flight is delayed by another one and half hrs, so it would take off at 12:00 pm.", I told her sadly and had to take off the phone 2" away from my ears. She started cursing the airlines first, and then started crying. Same old family melodrama... forgot to tell, she is also an Indian daily sop opera addict. I hate these serial-killers, I mean killer-serials on TV, they continuously fuel the long forgotten and deep inside buried dramatic-jugglery in Indian ladies. "hello Mom, I am hanging up the call, need to go to washroom..", and I hanged up the call.

Phewww....I looked at watch, its still 11:00 am, just 1 more hour to go... I consoled myself and took out my i-pad to kill time. And just out of curiosity, I searched for flights from Hyderabad to Kakinada, and fudge...there was a flight available from another carrier at 11:00 am and next at 3:30 pm. The manager lied to us !! I wanted to tell the co-passengers but resisted thinking that they would start shouting again, and the flight may get delayed this time due to their assault on manager. So, i decided to wait quietly for next 1 hr and promised myself not to fly the same airline again.

It was 11:45 am now, and still no announcements... I got up again and walked to the airline counter. Looked like an action replay. Same flock, same faces, same questions, though the airline staff was changed. I was confused, angry.. could not understand what had happened now. As I reached nearer, I heard another manager looking person saying," Don't panic... please calm down.. we have called a plane from Bengaluru.  We would definitely take off at 4:00 pm..". What ??? His words fell on my ears like atomic bomb on Hiroshima. I could not believe my ears !! "What ? you mean we need to wait for 4 more hours to get onto the plane ? Are you crazy ?", an angry passenger had reached the collar of the manager. "Sir please calm down.... our engineers could not rectify the engine problem, so we have no choice, but to call a plane from Bengaluru.", manager politely took the passengers' hands off his collar.  "At least now give snacks to munch on till the flight arrives...", the lady would not budge. She was playing same old track again. Seemed, she only came to airport to eat snacks at airlines's cost, reaching her destination was not a priority. "Yes ma'am, we ll be shortly giving food coupons to all the passengers", manager said in a convincing tone to receive a victorious smile from the lady.

But other passengers were not convinced, they were asking for transfer to another flight. But the manager replied that the other flight at 3:30 pm was full and hence he was helpless. Helpless, it was the right word... that's how we all were feeling. You plan, you pay a premium forsaking other necessities and this is how you get deceived !! The elderly uncle asked, "Are you sure you can land at Kakinada airport after 5:00 pm ? Usually they stop the landings after 5:00 pm". And the manager assured that he had taken the necessary approvals from airport authorities.

Some passengers were baked-in-sun enough to understand the hidden meaning of his courtesy and started asking for refund. Though I was still caught between heart and mind. My mind told me I am not so lucky to enjoy such a holiday and I should follow the suit, get the refund and get back to my boring wife, I mean boring life. But my heart as usual, needed some more time to accept what my mind  had already known !!

Four more hours to wait at airport, I was feeling like the foolish wood-cutter, who had cut the same branch on which it sat. In this case, I had just went a bit farther and cut my legs as well. I had no option but to wait, trusting the airlines people, who had done nothing till now except demonstrating heights of unprofessional-ism  Obviously, from next time, if there was a next time, I vouched to myself, I would not ever ever buy tickets for this airlines.

It was lunch time and I had not brought anything from home, thinking I would be relishing my favorite dishes made by my mom at lunch. In fact I had resisted very rudely to carry any food item from home. So, I also had to take the food coupon and join others for lunch. At least here, the airlines people met or rather exceeded our expectations! The food coupons entitled us for a plain bun, 10 gms butter, a jam and ketchup pouch and an uncooked salad sandwich. I don't think it would have sufficed even for a health conscious lady,
maintaining zero-figure. And so, I had to drain another 500 bucks to extinguish fire in my belly.

It was still 2:00 pm, so 2 more hrs to end this ordeal. I was thinking what should be done to spend the rest 2 hours, in the meanwhile, my phone started ringing. It was our driver, he was waiting at Kakinada airport for me !! My mother had send him to pick me up at airport. I told him the story and asked him to go back. Then called my mom to explain the delay.... . First she heard everything silently and then hanged up the phone. She thought, I was making this whole story up since I did not had the courage to tell her, that I cant come !! Ladies..... they just can't help suspecting. Trust is a smart virtue that seems to fear going anywhere near intelligent female species, it just sticks to the dumb male species like a hardened chewing-gum does to a shoe. We trust everyone, ranging from our boss to the finance minister. Anyways, I decided not to explain to her and rather take a nap in the lounge, to clear up the thought cloud in my mind. But, alas !! I had to wake up with my phone ringing, this time it was my wife. She told she called to know, if I had reached safely but I know she called to hear, what my mom was complaining about her. And when I told that I was still at Hyderabad Airport, she laughed !! Said, "enjoy...", and hanged up the phone. I couldn't have made her so happy even if I had stayed at home and made lunch for her. Sadist, I thought !!

The watch showed 3:30 pm, this time I wanted to be there before others started shouting for one or the other reason. So, I once again picked myself up and walked towards the counter praying for no more action-melodrama. As I reached there, I saw the counter was empty, not a soul wandering even nearby !! I looked around, the co-passengers were flocked to the opposite side of the counters, at the office of the airlines. Oh no, not again…. With scary eyes and heavy heart and I walked towards them.

As I reached there, I heard the old uncle shouting this time, “What do you mean the plane from Bengaluru has not yet arrived ? Has it even started from there ? You guys are making me feel sick !!”, surely the gentleman didn't want to be gentle anymore.The airlines guys had stepped on our tails long back, it’s just that some feel the pain a bit late. “Sir, please calm down…we areconfirming with our Bengaluru staff right away…I understand your anger but please just give us two minutes !!”, the lady at the office was trying her best to pacify the uncle. But unfortunately words have long lost their self-respect and dignity in our “humane”, ”compassionate” & “responsible” world. They no longer comfort anyone. “The plane would not come… we have been cheated”, someone shouted from the crowd. “They are nothing but a bunch of thugs in suits, posing as professionals..”, another person shouted. “Please gentlemen and ladies, have patience.. please be seated, we ‘ll inform you about the status in another 5 mins..”, the manager appeared on the scene. The flock left the lady and surrounded him instead. “What is happening ?? Is this how you run the airlines ? No professionalism ?”, the uncle had become “angry young man” of Zanjeer. The manager smiled, as if pitying his innocence....Then suddenly changed his expressions, faking looks of a helpless person saying,"Sorry Sir, but we are facing this situation for the first time ever !!". Even a thumb-succking child could make out his lie but we the mango people, we had to play along.

10 mins later, at 4:00 pm, the manager came back with 2-3 bouncers like looking guys, and politely addressed a bunch of passengers including me, "Sorry ladies and gentleman, there has been a communication error, the plane from Bengaluru is not coming, since we could not land the plane in Kakinada after 5:00pm because of fog..". "But you said that necessary approvals were taken already !!", one
angry passenger said reaching near him, but the bouncers came in between. The manager smiled arrogantly this time and said, "That's true, we had communicated to them already, but received the reply just now denying permission to land". "But you had called the plane from Bengaluru long back, why the hell didn't it arrive till now.. you are a liar, you thug !!". This time, the manager changed his tone, "Mind your language..... Sir ! The plane was sent back in air only, since we did not get the necessary approvals for landing in Kakinada. Its just that, we got the news a bit late". "A bit late ? You wasted our whole day.. we could have taken another flight, you moron..", an enthusiastic young man retaliated. But the argument was pointless....the news broke out... no plane was sent from Bengaluru..... no permission was taken from Kakinada airport authorities, we were just being tricked all this time. This was the moment of self-realization, I realized that my wife is not the only sadist, this manager was even a bigger sadist.

"I apologize on airlines behalf for the flight cancellation. And on my personal request, the airlines has agreed to refund full fare or transfer you all to our tomorrow' flight !!", the manager said in a self-righteous tone. Nobody even waited to curse him this time, and straight-away formed a queue for cancellation-refund. Since I had booked the ticket online, I had the option to call it a day and start back home.

In the taxi back home, I called my mom and told her the whole story.. And afterall, a Mom is a Mom, she said, she believed me but a Mom is a female first.... and so out of compulsive-blackmailing disorder, she started crying. I said, " Hang up the phone, I am coming but would reach tomorrow morning". And suddenly she switched role to an enthusiastic kid from a bed-ridden, coughing 80 year old woman. And I could not stop smiling...

3 hrs later, I am sitting sandwiched in a train, updating status on FB as @ Railway station instead of @ Airport and writing this story on my i-pad in general class.. with an 70 yr old kaka smoking bidi (desi-cigarette) on one side and a young lad reading a cheap magazine cribbing about celebrity affairs and scandals with sleazy pics and derogatory remarks on them. The whole compartment is filled up to brim with 'cattle class'. 8 passengers each side on 3 passenger seats and 5 on each side on the upper birth, which is supposed to hold luggage. And between the opposite sides, 4 local with 2 goats. One of the goats trying to munch on my i-pad case. Can't say if I was lucky( unlucky) enough to get a seat. Wait a minute... its my wife calling again... what to tell her ? Any ideas ??.. Please suggest.. reply soon...