Retarded.....ugly and stupid !! Face with weird expressions...eyes blood red, hair unkempt like unwatered road side weeds, fists clinched and trying to push the wall... Overall, a figure of pity.....But....wait a minute ! Thats me.....looking in the mirror.....!!
It looked like a regular routine filled morning and a predictable day...in the morning, which of course turned out to be a day-mare...if you want to call it that way !
I heard her re-emphasizing.."we are just friends...and ll be... hereafter too... if you want it that way. You listening to me ??", rest all my dumb (keyboard problem) numb head defied to hear.... Last thing I heard was, "Ok Chintan, dont you worry...everything would be fine...gotta go...bbye !!". Did she break up with me ? Yes....she broke-up with me....much before I could even make it up to her...
In the morning, I was reading newspaper, shitting (keyboard problem) sittng in a confined space on, what literate people would not call a chair...pitying people dying for unreasonable reasons like road accidents, militant attacks, poverty and even sudden heart attacks ! That was when, my eyes got fixed on an article "Failure in love-life can kill too ??". It told about a guy who failed to woo his love and jumped off the roof. He realized it late....not his failure but, that it was only first floor and could only manage to kill his father's loyal dog, who was the sole witness of the incident and did not live to bark about it. The guy could only get 2 broken bones, not because of the fall but his father's courtesy." Later I shared the online newspaper clip on FB and added a comment,"huh...what a despo !!", which got 4 likes and 8 comments, not that I am boasting about it but it feels great man !!
People say, mirrors dont lie...but this one....definitely was ! I was adjudged as the fresh face in first yr of college.. But right now, it showed me all the pimples, blackheads and oh my god !! did I see a grey hair in midst of all the dandruff ?? I am doomed... Firstly, my grades did not come great, not that its a surprise but still it hurts man !! Secondly, my maid who thinks that I fall for every second lady, felt ...though for a second, that she was the second one !! Thirdly, the girl I was TDM in love with, oh by the way TDM means (truly.... deeply and melody..arrghh...madly), this keyboard ducks !! Anyways, the girl I love and was about to propose shortly in 1-2 years..dumped me ! Not that I was not expecting it but its just that it came a bit early than I expected !! And lastly...this grey hair...
My eyes had swollen but tears would just keep coming like Hyderabadi traffic does, when you want to cross the road. Its not that, that I am not good at crossing roads, I can even double-cross a 2-lane road but tears.... As far as I remember, I never cried in childhood not even in adolescence as it was considered a sign of weakness. Until I saw Salman Khan, the macho man, crying in a movie..and I said..I can cry better than that and you get to be called sensitive too !! I do not know about others but my tears dont seem to taste good...too much saltiness just ruined the taste !!
My cell was ringing...before I could reach for it...it became silent. I looked at the caller name, it was her number. Woww !! She called me ? The thought itself sounded so exciting but...why would she call me ? We had just met in college.. I mean she was sitting 2..ok 200 mtrs away with her friends and caught me looking at her thrice....so romantic naa... Though, I had got her number from a common friend but could not gather the courage to call her..but I could still point at her number blind fold from a heap of phone directories.... So should I call back ? or wait for her call and try to show off some attitude.. before i could decide, she called again.
I was desperately trying to wipe off tears with my hanky, t-shirt and kitchen napkins as well... but desperate times call for desperate measures. So, I ran for toilet roll..only dat cud wipe off a mess like that. I was confident as it has handled much worse situations than this like aftermaths of Edward's butter chicken party... Gopi's booz nite and gift wrapping of Bijoy's gift for his girlfriend....
"Hello..this is Chintan, who is at the other end....", I picked up the phone."Grow up Chintan...you know its me...stop behaving like an immature school teenager !",she said."Listen, I want to talk to you about something important, are you listening ?", she continued. Of course I was...with super-sonic pulse rate, com-pounding heart, eyes wide open..was she about to say those magical three words ??? "Who are you ?", she said. What ?? did I hear it correctly ? Did she say, who am I ? No, wait..it cant be..its not supposed to be.. The astrologer on TV said, my love life is about to take off....or did he mean take....off ?? "Who the hell you think you are ? You are embarrassing me in front of my friends Chintan.", she said in a subtle, cold manner, I could hear grinding of teeth...so very peculiar of her...when she gets angry. I loved it when she did something like that to my #5 competitor in front of canteen... Everybody said, it was very rude of her..only I supported..infact celebrated it by paying for all 5 of my friends. What sounded like a romantic symphony that day, sounded like hammering a nail into a defiant wall, right now.
"So you mean...you mean you dont like me ? you were not waiting for me to propose you ? You are not angry because I am delaying ? but..because I embarrassed you !! You like someone else ??, I asked all of it in a flurry. "Oh, com'on Chintan...you are not my white knight in shining armour but a shy driver, who uses too much dipper at night but never overtakes !!" She took a long breath and even longer pause....'Listen Chintan, I do not want you to suffer because of me.. because you are very innocent, very cute...but not my type !". I never realized that innocence is such a ditch (this keyboard....). "Stop thinking about me..and never.... ever....ever... think of embarrassing me by proposing in future. Its just a friendly advice." Sounded more like a threat to me..but girls have their own vocab..cant help it.
I heard her re-emphasizing.."we are just friends...and ll be hereafter too...if you are ok with it but nothing more than that.....you listening to me ??" My heart sunk like Titanic..oh man !! It was on such a beautiful journey...but alas..bruised so badly that it chose to sink than keep afloat with scars. The phone got dropped from my hand, like a twig from a tree struck with lightening. I could still hear her voice,"Ok Chintan, dont you worry...everything would be fine...gotta go...bbye !!". She fell from a height with my phone...that hurt me too. The flood gates were opened..tears started rolling down and when transformed into avalanche..dont remember. So many emotions striking the same note...at the same time...pain..agony...!!
I wanted to ask so many questions....but to whom..could not decide. I wanted a shoulder to wet with tears..but whom to call..could not decide... I wanted to burn effigy of her..but which books to choose to burn..could not decide ! Looking in the mirror...I could not decide, looking stupid is bad or being one !!
I dont know, if I would be same person again. If I would ever be able to love someone again. If If I would ever want to be called innocent again !!
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